Saturday, October 5, 2019

Concerning the Church of God-most-Censorious

Symbol of God-most-Censorious:  the Scepter of Divine Authority crossed by the Censorious Eye Unblinking.
It can be represented several ways.

Brethren, hear me. So long as there is man so too shall there be sin, so too must God keep his steadfast Censorious (Blessed) Eye cast upon us! And still shall death be meted upon us…

In each moment, hold tight the reins of your lustful eyes, withdraw your wronging hands, and keep watch upon your disgusting souls! Come to your graves as clean as you can, and God may grant you mercy. A dreaming hereafter rather than the other, behind, burning ice forever screaming.

Let us pray. (See us. Have Mercy!)
    -- Supreme Inquisitor Twale the Elder from Greater Sermons vol II

At its most basic level, the Church teaches one simple lesson:

Evil is human : human is evil.

There is no salvation, merely mercy. Men cannot be good. The abayence of evil is all we might strive toward.

Should the weight of your sin outweigh the heft your restraint, a damnation of burning ice and unending screams awaits you. Should your restraint have tipped the scales instead, a long and Dreaming afterlife will be yours. 

Praise God-most-Censorious, in his limited mercy.

Unsurprisingly, the Church is hierarchical in nature.

Of all the teeming masses of living men, only one man approaches actual morality, the Supreme Inquisitor.

He¬ alone may hear the will of God-most-Censorious.

He whispers God's will to the Inquisitor Generals.

The Generals relay the words of God unto Inquisitorial staff. Then through the Byzantine and circuitous hierarchy of subordinates is the message given to the Speakers. And they then speak truths to the people.

From separate traditions, three further types of Holy Orders serve beneath the Yoke of Eyes.

Brother-Monks practice flagellant asceticism. They are visible abeyance to please the Eye of God.

Sister-Nuns perform the duties of women who have abandoned their post. Functionally, this amounts to running orphanages and feeding the poor.

Mendicant Friars encourage charity wheresoever they roam. Both sexes are accepted into these orders.¬¬

Most terrible of all, God-most-Censorious heard him and answered. Cleansing is His great mercy.

¬ Always a man. God's a man. Men must be in charge. Blah, blah blah. Patriarchal bastards that they are.
¬¬ Most major Heresies originate amongst the Friars.

Friday, September 13, 2019

Pretender of Wyrms

A new player character class for succinct fantasy games with saving throws and the usual six stats. You know the ones...

The folk of the village sometimes go strange. It comes in the wet season, when the dung in the cobb becomes noisome, and the crickets in unison scream. 

A man who's scarce touched a silver penny might mutter to his daughter about stolen gold and sharpen his teeth. A beloved aunt may begin to eat naught but the tails of newts and press fish scales into her skin.

When they steal sail cloth, blankets, and the like, rapid deterioration ensues. Soon the sad, quixotic soul slides into relentless delusion. They'll sew and tie together the crude likeness of a dragon and believe themself the beast. For teeth, they keep knives and get frightful good with them; dragons have to bite.

They don't breathe fire, but they sure got it in them wide, unfocused eyes. Terrible flames.

Advance, Hit Dice, and Saves as Fighter.

Fearsome Teeth - When wielding two knives or daggers, the Pretender of Wyrms attacks as though a fighter one level higher and does damage as a longsword. Fearless, certain, and quick.

When wielding anything else, they attack as a level 1 mage. 

Disconcerting Presence - Subjects with hostile or angry reactions toward the subject, must make a morale check or be overcome with fear (not necessarily flee, but be loathe to touch or move near to the Pretender of Wyrms). O they don't move quite right, too hunched and lurching/ dear gods the sounds they make/ the terrible earnestness of their demeanor.

  • If your campaign has carousing rules for bonus XP, Pretenders of Wyrms may instead hide their loot in a trap-guarded lair.
  • Pretenders of Wyrms should start play with 1d6+1 knives, a crude dragon costume, and an insatiable thirst for gold, silver, gems, fine silks, and colorful tapestries.

Tuesday, September 10, 2019

Playtest #5 --- SkipJunkies][MeatRunners

Meth Bribery: fortunately this guy hates Tim / Drugs / A well executed ℞obbery / Doing Drugs and Making Mistakes and Making more Drugs.

Character -][- Player
Ted Teddy -][- Angus
Shiny Bright -][- Evlyn
Paw Graw -][- Ian
Skuzz -][- CK
Philomena Burroughs -][- Fiona

So far they've only been to BioSpace (aka the Infinimeat), and the City State of Entrada pictured above.

  • It began out in front of the Infinimeat COffice, everyone from before (Ted, Shiny, Philomena) just got paid. Philomena knew Skuzz, and Skuzz just got off a failed Meatrun with Paw Graw.
  • They all decided to go through with the pharmacy robbing plan, and just barely caught the tattooed pharm-tech getting off work on this, the next day.
  • I rolled “irreverent” on the disposition chart b/c I dunno what kinda day this dude had. He’s into the free meth they’re offering. E’rybody rolls on over to the Büket O Blüd, which is Hugo’s scene to a T. (Hugo = the Pharm Tech)
  • Philomena talked Hugo into slipping them a hated coworkers’ keys. He agreed and told ‘em to buy a bottle of cough syrup 1st thing tomorrow morning.
  • A whole shitload of X was purchased and consumed.
  • They spent the evening and some of the night in the spacer district at The Cancellation Machine, a droning goth club.
  • Heron and Opiates and through scrounging, the ingredients for Purple Drank were obtained.
  • They crashed at Tambry’s place, and went to grab the key card first thing in the morning. Skuzz asked a question of an employee to guarantee the Philomena’s successful palming of the poorly hid key card.
  • LATER... At 3 am, after everyone got a hippy scarf (personally select by Tambry) to hide their faces, and they headed to the closed pharmacy.
  • Philomena went in the front and managed to scrounge the Alarm code from a note by the register, before it went off. She then let everyone in through the back.
  • The junkies got professional all of a sudden.
  • Shiny rolled in and spray painted every visible camera and the spots she thought there were pin cams. Then stood lookout w/ a lazer piztol.
  • Philomena directed the plunder while Skuzz popped open all the prescription cubbies with Ted’s magnet.
  • Meanwhile, Paw Graw expertly opened all the OTC cough syrup locks, and Ted tossed ‘em all into a sack.
  • Shiny spraypainted a heart on the floor, on the way out, and they absconded with the loot.
  • Tambry was grateful but withdrew into her room.
  • Lots of drugs were manufactured and done. Philomena and Paw freaked out after pushing past tolerance. Shiny and Ted ODed, but survived.
  • Skuzz cobbled together an improvised retort and cooked up a distillate from those narcwhal parts they gang kept. He probably burnt it, but the substance seemed to have some psychoactive effect. Started the process again, but with far more success.

Now I gotta write up a simple, consistent way to determine type of drugz and #bags each dealer has available.

Maybe they’ll eventually take a skip job.

I also need to work out biological and cybernetic enhancements.

Finally, I've decided to make drugs count for XP only upon doing them, or selling them.

(Formerly, just obtaining the drugs got you the XP, but keeping track of drugs you've taken vs obtained and did you get the XP, and do all of them get doubled, o wait did I get these xp from this one... blech.)

Wednesday, August 28, 2019

SkipJunkies][MeatRunners session 4

The bushes are full of undercover narcotic agents, and their pockets are full of pink crystal meth, but we already made some meth so lets go steal organs from an exodimensional "whale". 

Player Characters --- Players
Shiny Bright --- Evlyn
Philomena Burroughs --- Fiona
Stank Wellhams --- Phil
Ted Teddy --- Angus

Events as recalled 2 days later, with the help of very few cogent notes. Mostly my notes are just unlabeled numbers that have lost all meaning.
  • Ted and Stank were pretty hungover and stumbled across some folx one of them has done drugs with before!
  • Those folx were just then failing to lift a pharm tech's store keys, and their names (the folx not the would be victim) were Philomena and Shiny.
  • They decide to hang b/c why not? The pharm tech goes inside with a hate on for our not-heroes.
  • The group decided to cook some meth with which to bribe the pharm tech.
  • Philomena orchestrates the whole affair, and throws together some psuedo Molly for the group too. They do the sorta-X and play with a magnet in the alley
  • At this point I rolled a Narc peddling pink meth on the encounter chart. They saw through his flop-sweating ass, Philomena in particular, and send him along. Wisely the players decide to move along afterward.
  • They went to the park across the street. I rolled Narc again, but rerolled b/c lets keep it interesting... That roll, also Narc. :\
  • I rolled one more time, to deal with the second part of the 10 hours they're waiting for this guy to get off work. Narcs, narcs everywhere. Sort of decided there were 3 different drug task-forces performing buyer stings out of this park today. Shiny dances with the ducks or maybe just dances at the ducks.
  • Philomena realized they'd already been mostly paid for this robbing job via the chem-mag laser pistols so she and Shiny talked Ted and Stank into meatrunning! (I wasn't very pre
  • They met Jack Jackson at try-hard "quirky boutique" coffee shop, near the business district. He now worked for Infinimeat corp., a very well known panstellar company. 
  • He offered them similar terms, 1 million Standards for minimum of 1 organ. 500k for each additional organ. Nothing for nothing. Quickly agreed.
  • They hop a fully automated bus, and the turnstile, headed for the same office building downtown.
  • Once in welcome city, Philomena buys Ted a shirt that says, EAT ASS before they run on down to the office.
  • Same blonde, dickish guy, but with puffier and redder eyes than before, met them at the otherwise empty office. They all got outfitted in Armor and w/ 1,000 round, First Blood (tm) Assault Rifles. 

  • Long ride up the massive space elevator. Long drone piloted ride to some point out in space. Quick explosion as high pressure blood foamed and froze, expanding into empty space before the fleshcraft was fired at 1.5 Gs into the portal wound.
  • Shiny quickly got control of the boat as it briefly careened through the blood vessel, but missed the anchor spot by a few hundred meters. That made for a longer walk through the slick, pink, bulbous fleshscape.
  • Philomena passes out in a slightly alarming fashion b/c Fiona needed to go.
  • Everyone just left her there in the boat and went on the run. As advertised, long, wet, slick, climb+walk to get to the downed narcwhal. 
  • They carefully stepped into the things mouth, through the previously inserted jawjacks. The mouth-floor was made from several layers of a very elastic and fleshy mesh. They pole-sawed through the epiglottic flap to explore the trachea hall. Nobody wanted to deal with the stomach acid-bile shit in the colon hall, beyond the 3/4 open sphincter.

  • There were weird little knob things on stalks sticking out on the middle of the intersection. The junkies avoided these, which was good. Touch those, having been sensory organs, would have alerted every still-functioning macro-immune-responses to the PC's presence.
  • The PCs then immediately shot their way through the murder-flap* hall, thus alerting all remaining macro-immune responses to the PC's presence. However, they scored an Organ!
  • Went down the other trachea hall to a lungs room. The room started breathing and 3 Scoopheads fell out when Shiny took the polesaw from Stank (Phil was having connectivity issues) to pull on a ceiling flap.
  • Shiny fell, but they still murdered the scoopheads pretty handily: Ted spit some lead and Shiny absolutely murdered with that sweet sweet glitter-sword.
  • They decided to saw through a softspot in the wall in the hall. They then noped the fuck away when a giant parasite, anchored right beside their new hole, twists around so as to eat them.
  • 8 Scoopheads immediately crawled out from the stretchy flesh-mesh holes when the team got back to the mouth. Fortunately the PCs had guns and used them to clear a path. 
  • They handily avoided an ambush of white-bloodcell monsters right outside.
  • They were, however, already looking at 30ish of the bastards out in the bulbous fields of collagen and lipids and cartilage and what-have-you.
  • They ran and avoided a surprising number of attacks. Well Stank didn't. Shiny tried to help scrape the whitebloodcellmonsters(tm) off of him, but it turned into a 2 steps forward, 1 step back situation.
  • Shiny bailed. Ted already had bailed. Philomena was still laid up in the boat, snoring.
  • Shiny boldly piloted the flesh-boat, pushing the anchor closer to Stank, giving him a chance to avoid me rolling on the Immune Response generator again, and probably killing him. It worked!
  • Shiny Throws the switch as soon as the anchor door closed. The switch kicks the jump rocket, pushing the boat through the portal-wound the pneumatic claws and a fuckload energy just made.

Sunday, August 25, 2019

SkipJunkies][MeatRunners: Session 3 recap, finally

"I just got involved in politics," she announced after being gifted 2 BAGs* of llello while already hi af on MDMA.

Character --- Player
Philomena Burroughs --- Fiona
Shiny Bright --- Evlyn

by Evlyn, I love her work so much. :]

events, chronologically arranged, season to taste
  • Philomena and Shiny both get paid!! 
    Chips only hold up to 10k Standards,
    but aren't legally attached to your citizen/resident/visitor ID #

  • Hongkek gets held up as no one, including Exodock Security, expected him to be there.
  • Shiny Bright gets out first and immediately goes to buy a short sword. She wisely chooses a vaguely katana looking sword, in titanium carbo-nitride grey, with a GLOSSY GLITTER ENAMEL. It's in the touristy part of town, and I've personally found so many places to buy swords in the touristy parts of so many towns.
  • Philomena and Shiny head to a slightly off the beaten path bar, to score some drugs.
  • Shiny scores some Molly while Philomena fills out an online recruiter evaluation on her pay card. She uses this as an opportunity to lay down the groundwork to blackmail Jack Jackson.
  • Then Philomena buys some Molly, and does the Molly that she bought. 
  • Then Philomena steals some Molly from the dealer.
  • P & S then bounce to find a club with prettier people. All boring business boys and half-lost tourists.
  • The take a bus outta the Welcome City district, heading towards the GRaTS. Maybe they're also gonna check out that ℞ob Job from the note. You guys remember the note, right?
  • I rolled 3 "upset people" on the random encounter chart, and sedition is always on my mind; therefore, 3 folx were getting pretty angrily pumped for a forthcoming protest at the back of the bus.

  • Everyone is your friend on E so P & S go chat 'em up. After a few minutes, they put up their protest stuff and pass around some twacked jays. It's a nice chill time...
  • Until 3 lame straightxxxedge fuckers get on the bus. They talk some uncreative and obnoxious shit, and disturbingly mention something about a "convention" in town.
  • P & S confront them to prove once and for all, Drug Culture is superior to T totaling Bullshit.
  • P gets clocked on the dome, but StraightxxxEdge fuck #1 fails so spectacularly at fighting as to slip and KO himself.
  • losers bounce as soon as possible
  • before P & S leave, the cool kids in the back of the bus gift them some cocaine
  • they go check out the rob job address, leaving open the possibility of just robbing this place instead
  • a skinny, huggy spiritual hippyish woman answers the door, Tambry Allens
  • she lost her job, and therefor health insurance. the meds she needs monthly are 12 million Standards. 
  • that's the job. here are 2 laser pistols she got from the uncle she never wanted to see again. please steal her ℞, and whatever else in there is yours.
  • Shiny drinks all the lady's wine after she goes to bed
  • they try to lift the store keys when the door opens with a "woops, I dropped my groceries" ruse the next moring
  • the streetwise pharmtech catches them handily

  • fin

  • they get to level 2!! almost level 3! I have revamped the XP values now!!!

*BAGs are an abstraction to make shit easier. 1 BAG represents the smallest amount of a substance a hardcore user would consider "worthwhile".

ALSO: I just released another instalment of my Stark Naked Neo Savages and Sanguine City States digital zine thing!!! #4!!!

33 pages, full color, hyperlinked, and all that.

Sex toys on treasure charts?

2 different dangerous shit covered nests?

Robot Nephews?

Trailerpark dungeon?

Lycra-clad desert warriors with floating giant nematodes?

All the good stuff! 

it's pwyw but if you can spare a little, I might be able to make moar weird-sad stuff moar often

Thursday, August 22, 2019

Revenant for Broken Wilds

arise as the violence
that unmade her
settles as rage
into an unbeating heart
rise and find,

In Broken Wilds, Unmourned dead and those buried without ceremony have a 1/10 chance to rise up as the undead.

Revenants are angry souls that died in violence, and now inhabit their own corpses.

They arise 7 time units after death.
Roll 1d6 to determine the time unit, how the Revenant behaves,

1][ Hours] [could pass for living, still exhibits old habits: drinking, concern for loved ones, smoking, idiosyncratic gestures, nervous ticks, whistle familiar tunes, try to stay out of foul weather, etc. Will succumb to rage in 1d6 days.]

2-4][Days] [pretty gross looking and smelling, has love for and dim memory of dearest loved ones. However, the rage will take over soon, in 2d6 hours, in fact]*

5][Months] [gross, has only murder on their rotten minds]

6][Years] [skeletal, savage joy in dealing death and destruction]

Revenant Factoids

  • Revenants unerringly know their murderer's location.
  • Revenants are powered by vengeance alone. It's very green, really.
  • Revenants who slay their killer/s return to restful death.
  • A revenant who's murderer has died by any other cause devolves into a voiceless monster, expressing naught but mute and sudden violence.
  • 3HD, +1 to Hit, 1d4+2 or 1d6+2 w/ weapon, Movement is steady... relentless. Special: Hardness of the Grave, attacks doing 2 or less damage do not affect the rage corpse. 
  • +d3 Strength, -d3 Grace, -1 Wits, +2 Weird.

*Thus all the stories of dead sailors tapping on their child's or wife's window days after dying, to whisper I love you one last time. Their killer's corpse, of course, washes ashore with the morning tide. 

Wednesday, July 10, 2019

SkipJunkies][MeatRunners #2

"Inconvenient Origami and Dangerous Bouncy Castles"

Philomena Burroughs played by Fiona

Shiny Bright played by Evlyn

Hongkek played by Richie

Map of the dead Sidejaw Narcwhal they Ran through.

  • Wake up in alley on Entrada behind a different Daygo, note in Shiny’s pocket, in somebody else’s handwritting.
  • 1. Skip, 2. Meat, 3. Rob... Robin Hood
  • They pick Meat and head to the provided address, the Bucket o’ Blood, a cheesey, try-hard metal club.
  • There's a greasy guy in the corner table, that doesn’t fit in w/ his lime green blazer, khakis, and lack of shirt.
  • Introduces as self as Jack Jackson, and the jonesing transients accept offer before knowing the payout. 1 million Standards each, 1 organ minimum for payout. Bonuses available!
  • Make it to the offices of Nova Biological Ltd. There they both qualify for Assault Rifles and Philomena licked coke snot off the floor.
  • While in the Waiting Room riding up the big damn space elevator, Philomena makes origami with Smart Sheet(tm) periodicals. This of course permanently ruins the displays in interesting ways, costing Nova Bio. Ltd ~22.5 K Standards.
  • Long ride in drone shuttle, then the ball with a dunce cap shaped fleshcraft is fired into the explosive portal wound.
  • Since the craft flipped backwards anyway, Shiny just rolls with it and does a fabulous job pilotin’ down the bloodstream.
  • They find a guy in the exact same armor as them, except baby-blue instead of black, unconscious in front of the smallish Narcwhal they’re to raid.
  • This is Hongkek. Quickly it’s decided he should help with the Run. (It’s weird though, he shot into the infinimeat with a large team in a Mormon Church controlled space station. That station should be dozens of parsecs away from Entrada, at the very least...)
  • Once inside, Shiny Bright tries to sneak by a terrible, tumorous Liver-Monster. She’s not the best at that and gets grabbed by one of the thing’s fibrous keratin-mucilage sticky whips.
  • It doesn’t take long for both Hongkek and Shiny to be stuck and slammed repeatedly into the trachea walls, studded with coral-like bony growths. Shiny tries to saw her way free with her big ol’ titanium knife.
  • Eventually enough led is pumped into the thing it pops like a cantankerous zit.
  • They nope away from the area studded with creepy Crystal Virus things.
  • There’s some talk about using the corpse of the liver-thing as a bridge to score probable Organs on the other side of a huge pool of Aqua Regia (a super strong acid).
  • Instead they circle back to a sphincter at end of the left intestine-like hall. Spend some time to cut through it.
  • Hongkek goes into the flesh-room first and gets tripped up by the floor-flesh. It seems to be trying to bounce him towards some teeth surrounding a flesh-mesh membrane.
  • He gets pulled back. Then Philomena and Shiny wind up in there instead. Philomena, while carrying a fully extended pole saw.
  • Benny Hill music plays in my head.
  • Eventually, Shiny cuts her way through the mesh-membrane and falls into the (flesh-)pit underneath it.
  • THERE’s an ORGAN there.
  • The room stops once it’s cut from the flesh-pedestal.
  • Almost out of time in real-life so they decide to head back having minimally fulfilled their contractual obligations.
  • That’s a good choice because they were ~5 minutes from the first of wave of the Infinimeat's Innate Immune Response.
  • So ~20 minutes away from certain death.
  • FLESH!

this is last week's game
this week's play report will happen soon...ish

previous game

Saturday, June 8, 2019

Filth Gnomes

Don yonder ways, o'er by the eastish edge of the Dimbright wood, northerly abouts from town. In the Low Places, which ne'er do drain, that's where them're at. Filth Gnomes lazily lounging lurid in the muck which e'er does grow.

Them ne'er shall know the torrid touch of disease nor can them be poisoned. (Positively enormous, efficient livers & immune systems) I hath e'en seen them quaff teas of Death's Mother Mushrooms and Stricture Root. For sooth, them do live small and quarrelous lives. Similarly, them are of small 'n' quarrelous visage. (4-5' tall, Scrappy as Fuck, DIRTY)

Alright, I'm tired of that narratorial voice.

Squalid and unbelabored they live in a land to which many others drain. Slow, slow, slow is the the seepage through bedrock. Thus do dark swamps piebaldly encircle a fungal marsh. There the Filth Gnomes stay, almost amphibious in a way. Always wet, noisome, unconcernedly happy after a fashion. Quick to spit, quick to hit, will fucking beat you to death with a branch if you give 'em trouble.

Sordid, Filthy, and Free.

They eat what's at hand and drink and fornicate as they see fit. They can sustain quite easily with locally gathered vegetation. However, the glorious little shits much prefer well aged meats. Most are content to sit in their on personal puddles, calm and free (blowing hot the coals of my jealousy).

Theirs is not a monolithic society, not really a society at all. Some live in slimy burrows where they age ammonia rich cheese. Other gnomi instead inhabit simple shelters, have an affection for fire and cooked food, or even have some degree of personal hygiene. Some fools even dare to head into the terrible Clean Lands.
Approximately 80% of the Filth Gnome population are women/girls.

Filth Gnome, 1+1 HD, AC as Leather, 1 attack, Club 1d6+2. Special: Scrappy as Fuck, +2 to melee damage. Special: DIRTY -3 reaction rolls with civilized folks. Special: Muck is Quiet for Its Own, 75% chance to successfully hide or sneak in wetland environments.

As PCs:

Some need to see and experience more: clean bright sunshine shimmering on an open cesspit, the streak of dung and raspberry jam on a Vicar's new white robe, whiskey, drugs, the taste of new and differently hued slime...

Level as Halfling

CON is 2 points higher than indicated. CHA is 1 point lower than indicated.
STR is 1 point lower than indicated.
1d6 HD.

Poison Save starts at 10 (loosing contact with the familiar and varied toxins of their environment takes its toll) and goes down by 1 each level. However, after level 5, a pilgrimage to a legendary grossness must be made to lower the saving throw. All other saves remain at 15.

Plus roll 2x on the following chart to  determine further abilities. Roll again on this chart at levels 3, 6, and 9.

  1. Scrappy as Shit, +1 to melee damage. Another +1 on rerolls.
  2. Of the Soil and Sand, -3 reaction rolls with civilized folks, +3 with burrowing things. If rolled again, the dirt in the gnome's ears serves as translator with all burrowing things. If rolled a third time, burying the gnome causes them to heal at a rate of 1 HP per hour. After that it's nothing. Sorry.
  3. Muck is Quiet for Its Own, 70% chance to successfully hide or sneak in wetland environments. +5% on rerolls. ½ chance in other environments, round up.
  4. Friendly Infection, roll 1d4 for specifics.
      1. Swollen Boil, acetone stinking thin yellow puss inside. With successful attack roll, and a squeeze, victim is blinded for 1d4 rnds. The gunk really stings, ya know. Rerolls mean more boils. Pop 1/day. Itchy.
      2. Fungal Belly, sustained fungus colony in stomach gives Gnome ability to digest cellulose as well as especially terrible halitosis. Twigs and leaves become viable food sources. Ration needs are reduced by ½, assuming there's enough plant-life around. First reroll means Gnome can simply graze like a herd animal for sustenance if needed. If rolled again, the colony is slightly happier.
      3. Cheese Teeth, breath smells like Roquefort. Rapid flesh-eating bacteria have colonized the Gnome's mouth, sustained by a small portion of whatever meat the gnome consumes. Bite does 1 damage with successful attack roll. Next round bite-victim must Save vs Poison or take 1d3 damage. On each subsequent combat round (or every 6-10 seconds) Save vs Poison or take another 1d3, until the save is successful. (This also makes kissing non-filth folx complicated.)
      4. Tripping Pits, a bacteria-fungus symbiote resides in the Gnome's armpit or crotch. It's excretions can be scraped off 1/day (become dry/unusable in 4 hours); a very powerful, short-lived hallucinogen, each scraping causes a man-sized creature to be effectively stunned for 1d6 minutes. Rerolls mean more scrapings are available.
  5. Fuck You, You Big Fucks! long experience in fighting things notably bigger than them gives this Gnome +1 to hit vs Folks and Critters Bigger than Them. Rerolls stack.
  6. Fen Lore, they know the tastes and stanks of the useful things. They know. Sharp, bitter willow leaves for pain; savory, roast chicken flavor of sulfurshelf mushrooms for hunger; honeysuckle, sweet floral and fleeting to raise fallen spirits; the spicy citrus of astringent witch hazel. 55% chance to find flora useful to the problem at hand, usually hunger, injury, or disease, when in wetland environments. Can heal 1 HP or replace 1 ration. Takes 1d20 minutes to rummage it up if available.

Stink it up, y'all. Feels like I can only write literal filth lately.

Womp womp...

Thursday, May 23, 2019

Trash Dragons

Colorful, an oil slick on
shallow puddle of our logic,
they noisome slide on starlit nights
via filth-robed wretched might.

So many of the rpg rituals I've been writing lately are mostly self abasement, degradation. Which I suspect says more about my kinks than anything else.

“Welcome to shrug city, P.”

I'm not quite this gross. Just to be clear.


(Quick note: anybody can do magic [mostly via weird ritual] in my home game. Wise Witches are usually better at it, though. If you're more traditionally frpg minded, only magic users or chaos aligned clerics prolly can do this.)

The ritual is simple, and relatively safe. Assuming dysentery and food poisoning don't kill ya in the first couple of days.

Required components:
  • A Trash Dragon's True Name
    • Currently 17 [of 49] remain unsummoned.
    • When discovered 2/6 chance name is still usable.
  • An old midden heap or cesspit
  • Willingness to discard one's standing, to debase oneself to an unconcerned bit of refuse.
Sign of Unbalanced Orbs

First, strip naked before the trash pile at midday. You are nothing and have nothing but trash, refuse, garbage.

Second, prepare yourself for anti-ablution. Carve the Sign of Unbalanced Orbs into your flesh with any convenient bit of garbage.

Third, enter into the midden, your new home. Unwash yourself, taking care to crust filth particularly on your unhallowed wounds.

Fourth, declare yourself “...not but trash!” to all passersby.

Fifth, leave not your midden for at least 7 days.

Sixth, eat not but what you find; accept no alms and touch nothing clean nor blessed.

Seventh, on a New Moon at midnight scream “Serpent of Earth by Man Refused, I call ye. As, from, and to the filth, I call ye. Refuse me not! I am dung. I am trash. I am thee! Come to me! [true name 3×].”

In game terms, Save vs Poison or die from infection 1d6 days into the ritual. (Prime secret DM roll territory here.)

When the dragon is called, Save vs Magic or become the dragon rather than binding them to your will. You're a filthy chaos beast now. Them's the breaks.

Successful summoning grants a permanent +4 to all Poison saves. The dragon will consider the summoner an important advisor and trusted friend, almost a parent. However, while the dragon will usually obey the summoner, they don't have to. Their primary purpose and desire is to befoul fresh and clean things.

about them big ol’ filth lizards

The “flesh” is semisolid, half compost, half spoiled meat. Sinuous, they swim through the air like an eel. Rot and disease festers always in their wake.

Trash Dragons are 15-20’ long with mass equivalent to an adult tiger. Coloration: mildew black, wormy apple brown, pork slime green, fungal purple, cockroach sable, etc.

stat block shiz
Trash Dragon, 3+3 HD, AC as Chain, 1 attack, Gross Bite 1d8+3, Move: Sinuous and Quick.
Special: 2× per day, Fetid Breath -- 1d6 damage, 70’ radius. All (except dragon and summoner) must Save vs Poison or vomit uncontrollably for 1d8 rounds.
Special: 1× per day, Unbirth -- Trash Dragon can transform into a Trash Pile. Trash Dragon will reform at midnight.

more SkipJunkies][MeatRunners

“Somehow, it’s easy to forget the shape of a place. Spend 12 Skips and two tin-livers away, and ya forget how Entrada is built like a shrug. Lotsa places look like 10,000 claws all tearing at the sky. Only Entrada looks like it don’t know, and it don’t care. See, Entrada had something like ¾ of a livable atmosphere to begin with; most places don’t. Think that’s why most places are so damn vertical. Entrada got room to spread. Out towards it’s edge, Entrada got that big ole GRaTS [Glide Rail Transportation System] ring, built up pretty damn high. The nearby buildings and structures sorta match that height, then they get shorter as real estate competition lessens. It’s even worse over by Willkommen, that huge fucking Space Elevator. (Thing is goddamn BIG if you ain’t ever seen it. It’s like six shopping malls or some shit, going up and down the grav-well few times daily. A not-small spaceport’s up top, too.) Anyway, you got that big round head (exo-docks), the neck (Enter City proper, Elevator) and a wave of indifferent shoulders either side (GRaTS). This place don’t know. This moon don’t care. Ya know, don’t hear nobody else talk about it. Maybe it’s just me. Think I was pretty wrecked on San Pedro when I first washed up here, to be honest…”

Green = Inhabitable
Orange = Variably Inhabitable
Red = Uninhabitable

Monday, May 13, 2019

Play Report: SkipJunkies][MeatRunners #1

SkipJunkies][MeatRunners first Playtest.

(SkipJunkies][MeatRunners is a far future, medium-boiled scifi game. In it, you play drug addicts exploited for the most dangerous jobs anywhere: Skip Piloting [FTL travel] and Narcwhal Hunting [in the Infinimeat]. Also, Drugs for XP.)

Merb played by Abbi
My Hot Reality played by Anxy
Joe played by Tony

Awoke in an alley, behind a Daygo™ bodega, on Entrada.
(Entrada being a very old Colony centered around an enormous space elevator, the Willkommen. Basically a complex the size of 3 shopping malls goes up and down the gravity well several times a day. More or less it is 3 malls.)

Meat Runner by Alex Mayo,
I'm making this game/setting with In Search of Games.
Shit that happened in probably chronological order:
  • Vaguely remembered looking for work night before. Note taped to Joe's forehead with 3 jobs on it. Skip Job, a Meat Run, and and Robbery. They chose Meat Run.
  • Met Jak Horner at the Buckt o' Blüd, a spoopy-darkness metal club.
    • Agreed   with no negotiation to the job b/c Joe was jonesing for something speedy real bad.
    • It was a “Vulture” run for Condor Inc., swooping in to complete a failed organ haul.
    • Jak kept bugging them to remember “Ol' Jak” if they get chosen for an after-job survey. He “tossed in” a free Quick-Cell Lazer. Even printed out a 6' long receipt with their contract on it.
  • They grab some cheap, cooked grub from auto-vendors and head towards the center of town. Reality manages to offload a synth mescaline pill for a few Standards.
  • Outfitted by some asshole with long, slicked-back, blonde hair. They qualify for hardsuit fully environmental armor, 2 Assault Rifles, and 1 telescopic 6-12' titanium spear.
  • Drone delivered to the coordinates, portal-wound explosively torn into space, fired through fountain of blood into a vein about the size of 6 lane interstate.
  • Joe poorly piloted the red-blood-cell shaped craft, but managed to fire the anchor at exactly the right moment.
  • They headed out and into the downed Narcwhal (imagine a flea-narwhal hybrid covered in clear silica plates, the size of an office building, swimming through a reality of infinite flesh) through previously inserted jaw-jack. Two large compressed gas containers on either side of the jack.
  • Once inside the huge mouth cavity, they're immediately ambushed by a Scavanger Phage (silica-crab-virus looking thing) but quickly murder it. Merb takes some of it's dark blue inner goo.
  • Headed  deeper into the throat, past jiggly dangling meat curtains.
  • Did not further investigate a huge, moaning stomach monster in the left most flesh-chamber. Didn't head further down the trachia-hall which veered left a bit. Quickly gave up on the epiglottis-flaps-with-spikes filled flesh-tunnel (despite the virtual certainty an organ would be found there). Rather, Joe uses the spear to work a giant sphincter open, and they pop on through.
  • A small flesh chamber on the right was ignored, and they continued down the colon-ish passage until it opened up.
  • Finally, payday. Two organs hung from jiggling strands about 12' above the squishy floor. Between the Junkie Scum and the organs, 6 Bear-sized stomach monsters were rubbing on each other and making sad noises.
  • Joe held 'em back with the spear, more or less. Merb and Reality mowed 'em down. Merb took a minor hit from a acidic-mucilage whip, but armor so w/e.
  • Got the organs, but now some crazy-loud fart-roar keeps intoning back the way they'd came. Desperate looking about the dead end reveals a SECRET SPHINCTER! Reality shoots it open.
  • On the other side they grabbed another organ and crawled on down a stretchy 2' wide flesh tube in the floor. It went on for an unfortunate long time. Lights on their armor made mostly useless as they squirmed uncertainly ahead. Contact mics on outside of their suits created an unholy splorch and pop cacophony. It's like 150' long passage, but they did come out behind the HUGE fucking stomach beast heading to where they'd been.
  • Successfully eluded an ambush by waiting antibodies outside the narcwhal and hauled balls back to the ship.
  • It's decided they didn't wanna hang out to try and jerry-rig a retort to steal the good drugs from any of the 3 organs.
  • Came back, got paid. They did get the lazer rifle as promised, but not the equally expensive battery.
  • Merb and Reality struck out, but Joe scored 9 bags of H, in Welcome City Proper!
  • That's 3 bags each, 80 xp / bag.
  • My brain felt sweaty from imagining so hard. We stopped.
  • It was fun-on-a-bun!
Edit: For a little deeper look into what the game is like, take a look at the CHARACTER CREATION GUIDE for my campaign. The color piece on the first page is by Corey Brin; they make amazin' arts y'all!

Monday, April 1, 2019

"...Plutonic Bronze quite naturally occurs as an alloy of arsenic, tin, and, of course, copper.
"It's smithying has long been noted a deathly and morbid pursuit. Laming even the strongest of smiths as legend reports. The superiority of such blades even to quite excellent, tin heavy bronze is unquestionable.
"These are arsenical bronze only, however. True Plutonic Bronze is quite rare. It may only be mined by the blind and those condemned to die. Deep, deep, deep are the rare shafts in which the veins lie. The casts must be lined in the wizard's own blood and poured in the black of a moonless night.
"According to Meilanachus, wounds caused by Plutonic Bronze blades cannot be healed. To be frank, Your Grace, I've never investigated a claim by Meilanachus that was not true. I urge you to handle the blade as little as possible. Were you to nick your thumb, the cut shall stay with you unto your grave, may God-most-Censorious keep that day long at bay..."

- Excerpted from private correspondences of the Beige Duke..

It's all true, except the blood on molds thing. Which means you don't actually need a wizard, but, like, no wizard is telling anybody that.

Wizardry is a real feast or famine sort of business. The biggest customers always are rich assholes who want other rich assholes dead.

Anyway what it says on the tin. Damage done by these blades does not heal. So a PC getting popped for 8 damage from a Plutonic Bronze spear when they're level 2, 12 HP, they're gonna be at 4 HP tops, going forward. (until leveling or whatever)

If you have magical healing in your games, that don't work either. Sans the direct intervention of a powerful god, the wounds DO NOT heal.

Cuts that aren't held closed in some way, will of course continue to be a problem...


The Baron's Pie Knife

Unadorned Plutonic Bronze Cinquedea, 1d6 Damage.

+1 to hit, +2 Damage against folx in less than Chain Armor. Damage dealt by this weapon cannot be healed.