Wednesday, January 6, 2016

SHARKMAN Dreams...

I dreamt I was playing D&D.

I was about to run a game set in some sort of underwater Gnome civilization. There was a big desalination machine that looked from my map (and my dream imagining of the place) to be totally mechanical rather than magical.

In fact, the whole complex looked scifi-star-trek sleek.

I was trying to run a by-the-book 3.x game for some fucking reason. About five minutes in to me helping the players with chargen, I was just like, “Fuck this! Everybody roll 3d6 in order, we’re going B/X style.”

My buddy Ty kept interjecting, “I wanna play a shark!”

Finally, I was just like “You know I can make up a fun R.C.C.* type class, right? Do you wanna be a sharkman??”

So I started coming up with a class, then there came wakeful noises in real life.


There may be more sharkman somewhere, but as far as anyone knows there is just this one sharkman. Sharkman can’t really say.

Sharkman looks a bit surprised all the time. That’s just shark eyes, though he?she?it? is usually surprised. Sharkman does not understand our dry world.

He? is gullible, easily confused, and utterly alien.

Her? big flipper feet are cumbersome. His? strangely still flipper hands couldn’t be dexterous, could they? It’s never unarmed, not with that big dopey, dangerous grin. It seems curious but this is difficult to discern. That frightening, inhuman, kind of goofy expression never changes.

It’s no wonder the possibly innocent or possibly bloodthirsty thing fell in with the worst sort of crowd…

HD – d8
Saves – 18 across the board. All drop by 1 every other level.
Advance as Dwarf.
Sharkman does not start out with the usual 1/6 in skills.
Sharkman is never disarmed. 1d8 bite attack. In water, he adds his level to the usual +1 BAB. On land, she adds ½ her level rounded down.
Sharkman’s cold, thick, unfeeling flesh essentially functions as leather armor.
Sharkman moves at ¾ of normal speed, but swims twice as fast.
Sharkman can smell blood from 100 yards away on land, 1 mile away in water.
Sharkman can sort of talk, in a gurgling, raspy, disconcerting way. Player must choose and abide by a 10 word speaking vocabulary for the character. Each level, add another 1d4 words.
Sharkman does not understand.

*Apparently I dream in Rifts lingo.

listen to this post read by a quite Fabulous person here:

Saturday, January 2, 2016


What does this devil demand? Your pleasure.

How does it work? All actions that are not in immediate avoidance of pain, must be justified by the player. (I would just accept whatever rationalization he/she comes up with… The point is to keep the player thinking about this mistake.)

Why? The demon doesn’t mind being summoned. In fact, you broke a banishment with your exhortive invitation. Mortal pleasure is a hot commodity on both this and the other side. Why wouldn’t a devil want some? If nothing else, it feels good.


What does this angel demand? A pilgrimage to the home of a child with a long suffering disease.
How does it work? The angel asks you to take it to the child’s home. That it may reap the suckling soul, and end the torment all around.

Why? It is an angel of bittersweet relief and genuine condolence. It exists to produce these experiences. The reality is the babe would have lived a dozen more years, many moments of pain surely. Nevertheless, these millions of aches were bought at the expense of thousands of smiles.

How will you know? A minor angel of penitent regret has been following in the other angel’s wake for ages. It appears as an accusatory ghost 1d8 nights later. A dead toddler declaiming pitifully that you had it falsely slain is a hell of thing to witness.


What does this fairy demand? Your voice, but you will only be voiceless for a day.

How does it work? Character can’t talk, duh.

Why? It’s a fucking fairy.

The twist: you don’t get your voice back but a voice back. Specifically that of a:
1} duck,
2} bear,
3} songbird,
4} donkey,
5} burbling brook, or
6} parrot (character restricted to a 10 word vocabulary, must ham it up).


So I've added a tip jar to the blog, in the form a Patreon Campaign.

If you've gotten any worth out of these monsters, wizards, and classes and stuff, please consider donating. Any amount would be greatly appreciated and help to ensure I am able to keep doing this (seeing as this is now one of my few sources of income).