Monday, November 30, 2015

Desert Glass, Hungry Eyes

In the desert, where the red stones stand,
In the too-bright reaches, orange flowing sands.
Unblinking eyes look up, in askance, in hunger
Shining eyes, press against the rain.


“The Sun Sands, she has been growing for a great spell, for certain, for sure. Know this to be true, the desert is hungry, the desert, she hates.”


“Fulgurite, tektite, and other desert glass, that is all; that and the overstimulated eyes of sunblasted natives and blasted fools.”


“I know the truth, my generous friend. I was with a most unfortunate expedition. Old things lay beneath the shifting sands, but you know this, you are wise.

“When you see the flashing light upon the desert sands, it may be a dead man’s knife. It may be forgotten gold. It may be the glass eyes.

“Stay away from them! They hate you, and your wet blood. No matter how valuable crystal may be. Their clarity, my gods, it is like the air! But keep you away, lest your wet blood become ash.”


“Did you know that old aspen groves are all the same tree? Below the sands there lies a great, interlaced matrix of crystalline webbing. Through strange lacework lines, sunlight is drawn far beneath the earth, feeding whatever wretched thing sleeps below.”


“Broke glass. Accident. Big shiny fingers come, up. Smash ‘em. Broke bits cut up me face.”


Game stuff: 
Interfering with the glass eyes (touching, breaking, casting a shadow across one for too long) results in 2d6 8’-14’ long crystalline fingers erupting violently from the sand attacking all nearby moist lifeforms.

AC as Unarmored. Move ½ human rate. Polearm like reach. 2 HD. 1d8 laceration attack (1d4 vs metal armored opponents). ½ of all melee damage done to the fingers is done back to the attacker (sv. to avoid) as glass shards explode in retribution.

If the Desert Eye is still intact, it will laser blast an opponent for 1d20 damage every other round. The eye is easily broken, but fiercely defended by the crystalline fingers.


There are no recorded incidents of a crystalline finger moving more than 1 mile from its eye. There are also no recorded incidents of crystalline fingers leaving their eyes unguarded.

The quality of desert eye glass is unsurpassed. The reported fates of those who would harvest it are contradictory, save in this regard: their ends are violent, horrible, and very, very dry.


So I've added a tip jar to the blog, in the form a Patreon Campaign.

If you've gotten any worth out of these monsters, wizards, and classes and stuff, please consider donating. Any amount would be greatly appreciated and help to ensure I am able to keep doing this (seeing as this is now one of my few sources of income).



Tuesday, November 17, 2015

Line Gnomes or Geometry Goblins

It begins simply enough, a wizard will awaken to find a new spell inscribed in his spell book, or perhaps, a poet will find a new verse-form in her journal. The spell will be notated in EXACTLY the way the wizard would have done so; there is no chance of failure to learn this spell. The verse will be composed of words and themes unique to the poet in question. 

Many assume that, somehow, they have written these things in strange somnambulatory sleep. It is not so; it is the work of a line gnome, hoping to gain your trust, hoping to make you dependent. The sleeping works will continue with increasing frequency, bringing about greater power, greater understanding, and/or greater artistic achievement.

Then it will stop. It will stop for a depressing length of time.

Once the subject is sufficiently tormented with their now-fruitless sleep, the gnome will appear to him/her. It is a thing of two dimensions, built of lines and arcs into the semblance of a face.

Geometry goblins may only exist upon and move across sufficiently flat, smooth surfaces. A scroll or a book is an obvious and natural place for them to be. A cobbled street is not. (As a rough rubric, if you could easily write upon a surface with chalk or a pencil, a line gnome may be there.) The goblin may choose to be any size contained within its current surface(from a god-like projection on a limestone cliff, to the size of a ink drop).It moves as fast as a frightened cat, and can cross onto any surface its current surface touches. Any purposefully drawn line is an impassible barrier to geometry goblins.

That of course makes them easy to trap if one thinks to do so. The gnomes are very, very aware and take great pains to insure their freedom.

But what do they want?

They want you, of course. They want you to be their meat puppet in this strange 3 dimensional world you inhabit. They want freedom, anybody’s freedom, yours will do quite nicely.

They will try to offer their victims anything to “let [them] on you, is all…”. 

Once agreed, the goblin will flow onto their new home as an indelible tattoo. Then try to take the place over…

Game Stuff:

If someone is foolish enough to agree, have the player roll a d20 adding to it wisdom, intelligence, and charisma modifiers. Roll 1d100 for the gnome. The highest roll wins. 

Should that be the geometry goblin, the PC’s personality and will are shunted into the ether. A completely amoral being now has a body with which to sate its incredible curiosity about the 3d world.

Should the PC win, the PC now has a permanent and petulant companion who knows much about magic (especially written or geometrical magics) and all forms of 2 dimensional art.

They can be destroyed simply by destroying the surface they occupy. If it's on wall, break the whole wall before the linear gnome can get to the floor. If it's on a page, circle it and throw the book into a fire.

Where do they come from?

No one knows. Some believe they are beings from a two dimensional world, cast out for crimes unthinkable. Some think they are devils. People think all sorts of fucking stuff. People are usually wrong about these sorts of things. 

Tuesday, November 3, 2015

Smile with Us, Friend... for it is released unto the world

In the aching darkness beneath, terrible things await.

Disparate and desperate monstrosities smile with human lips, call with human tongues, and weave their spidery webs.

They mostly mean no harm, but they are wrong, so very wrong. Their pleasant pleas and plaintive question germinate strange maladies.

They only wish you to be happy, like them. Won’t you smile with them, friend?


The above is a sales blurb for my newest product. It is a 22 page pdf adventure.

CLICK HERE if you have been convinced to purchase it yet.


Here is what I consider to be the worst piece of art in the adventure:

"Hiiii, guuuy"

Here is what I consider to be another piece of art in the adventure:

When I portrayed Geoffrey, I gave him a stutter.

Here is a thing drawn for the project but not used in the project:

Pucker up!

CLICK HERE if you have been convinced to purchase it yet.


Here is a bit of advice, give your players the Consumptive Prophet's coughed up blood map. The angles of hexagonal intersections are a bitch to describe otherwise.

CLICK HERE if you have been convinced to purchase it yet.


The adventure contains this paragraph: 

"This hall truncates with a collapsed room, rubble still resting wherever it fell. Directly before the collapse, a wide open pit echoes with the sounds of thousands of wet exoskeletons sliding past one another. Therein fat grubs feast on mounds of rotten wood and other decaying vegetable matter."

CLICK HERE if you have been convinced to purchase it yet.


When I ran it the second time, only 1 PC (of 3) made it out alive. He ditched his unconscious companions and fled the premises. This resulted in the best quote of the night: 

"You're not a cleric; you're a butthole!"

Many thanks to +Devin Barnet , +Joe White , and +Gayle Eidschun for an enjoyable game.

CLICK HERE if you have been convinced to purchase it, or if you would like to get more info, almost 1/2 of the adventure can be previewed. 

Relevant link:

Buy my (digital) book, please.