Saturday, March 28, 2020

She drove here from Mars, and she’s in charge now.


 a life inspired background for Troika! the other world's favorite rpg... 

Mars is over now. Mars was really just bullshit anyway. You’re over it.

You’re so over it, you drove your beautiful, but otherwise mundane car all the way here. It was a masterfully commanding, dramatic, and completely surreal moment. You’re not sure exactly what the fuck happened, tbh.

What you *are* sure of is that you are NOT going to be told what to do anymore. You’re in goddamned charge, now.

Possessions:
Cute Top
Those Gloves She Said You’d Never Pull Off, Fuck You Jessica
Your Favorite Jeans
Your Softest Hoodie
Comfortable Shoes
Your Beautiful, But Otherwise Mundane Car ½ Tank of Gas
Keys to a Life You Left Behind
Cute Keychain
Diamond Ring

Advanced Skills
3 Boss
2 Drive
1 Art (Player’s Choice)
1 Throw Hands

screenshot taken a few moments after I decided to write this background

Friday, January 24, 2020

I'm going to pretend to be a pony tomorrow (GM willing of course)

I like Cozy Glow's whole deal. Small, adorable, evil as fuuuuck. HER FACE IS SO CUTE!

So anyway, if it's cool w/ Nick, I'm going to play as Cozy Glow, a character from My Little Pony, in a Labyrinth Lord game tomorrow morning.

This is the Class, because there needs to be more manipulative, tiny, villainous, saccharine Pegasi out there in the world, ya know?



 Cute-Evil, Little Pegasus  for succinct fantasy role playing games with saving throws and the usual six stats, you know the ones.

Description, so like, you are sooo cute, and adorable and gosh, gee, golly. Your very friendly as well, attentive to your friends. You're oh so thoughtful with gifts, and pretty clever. You're also more evil than sin.

It's just so much easier to get people to do what you want when they're your friends.

 Game Words 

Max Level: 10
Primary Stat: CHA
Hit Die: d4
Attack: as Wizard or w/e
Advance: as Wizard
Saves: as Thief
Special Business: 1. You can Fly, unless your wings get like broken. 2. You have a 50% skill in eavesdropping. This goes up by 5% with each additional Level. 3. You are like 13 years old, and a small, small little pegasus. Your Strength has a -4 Penalty. 4. You are small, small little pegasus child. You sure are cute! and nonthreatening! +1 to Reaction Rolls. 5. You are so cute!

 End of Gamewords. 

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Also, my RPG book about Permian Era critters is very much inspired by My Little Pony. There are more Dimetrodons, though. So that's a thing.

Very Pretty Paleozoic Pals, currently close to funding on Kick Starter. 



Saturday, October 5, 2019

Concerning the Church of God-most-Censorious

Symbol of God-most-Censorious:  the Scepter of Divine Authority crossed by the Censorious Eye Unblinking.
It can be represented several ways.


Brethren, hear me. So long as there is man so too shall there be sin, so too must God keep his steadfast Censorious (Blessed) Eye cast upon us! And still shall death be meted upon us…

In each moment, hold tight the reins of your lustful eyes, withdraw your wronging hands, and keep watch upon your disgusting souls! Come to your graves as clean as you can, and God may grant you mercy. A dreaming hereafter rather than the other, behind, burning ice forever screaming.

Let us pray. (See us. Have Mercy!)
    -- Supreme Inquisitor Twale the Elder from Greater Sermons vol II

At its most basic level, the Church teaches one simple lesson:

Evil is human : human is evil.

There is no salvation, merely mercy. Men cannot be good. The abayence of evil is all we might strive toward.

Should the weight of your sin outweigh the heft your restraint, a damnation of burning ice and unending screams awaits you. Should your restraint have tipped the scales instead, a long and Dreaming afterlife will be yours. 

Praise God-most-Censorious, in his limited mercy.

Unsurprisingly, the Church is hierarchical in nature.

Of all the teeming masses of living men, only one man approaches actual morality, the Supreme Inquisitor.

He¬ alone may hear the will of God-most-Censorious.

He whispers God's will to the Inquisitor Generals.

The Generals relay the words of God unto Inquisitorial staff. Then through the Byzantine and circuitous hierarchy of subordinates is the message given to the Speakers. And they then speak truths to the people.

From separate traditions, three further types of Holy Orders serve beneath the Yoke of Eyes.

Brother-Monks practice flagellant asceticism. They are visible abeyance to please the Eye of God.

Sister-Nuns perform the duties of women who have abandoned their post. Functionally, this amounts to running orphanages and feeding the poor.

Mendicant Friars encourage charity wheresoever they roam. Both sexes are accepted into these orders.¬¬

Most terrible of all, God-most-Censorious heard him and answered. Cleansing is His great mercy.

¬ Always a man. God's a man. Men must be in charge. Blah, blah blah. Patriarchal bastards that they are.
¬¬ Most major Heresies originate amongst the Friars.

Friday, September 13, 2019

Pretender of Wyrms

A new player character class for succinct fantasy games with saving throws and the usual six stats. You know the ones...


The folk of the village sometimes go strange. It comes in the wet season, when the dung in the cobb becomes noisome, and the crickets in unison scream. 

A man who's scarce touched a silver penny might mutter to his daughter about stolen gold and sharpen his teeth. A beloved aunt may begin to eat naught but the tails of newts and press fish scales into her skin.

When they steal sail cloth, blankets, and the like, rapid deterioration ensues. Soon the sad, quixotic soul slides into relentless delusion. They'll sew and tie together the crude likeness of a dragon and believe themself the beast. For teeth, they keep knives and get frightful good with them; dragons have to bite.

They don't breathe fire, but they sure got it in them wide, unfocused eyes. Terrible flames.

Advance, Hit Dice, and Saves as Fighter.

Abilities
Fearsome Teeth - When wielding two knives or daggers, the Pretender of Wyrms attacks as though a fighter one level higher and does damage as a longsword. Fearless, certain, and quick.

When wielding anything else, they attack as a level 1 mage. 

Disconcerting Presence - Subjects with hostile or angry reactions toward the subject, must make a morale check or be overcome with fear (not necessarily flee, but be loathe to touch or move near to the Pretender of Wyrms). O they don't move quite right, too hunched and lurching/ dear gods the sounds they make/ the terrible earnestness of their demeanor.

  • If your campaign has carousing rules for bonus XP, Pretenders of Wyrms may instead hide their loot in a trap-guarded lair.
  • Pretenders of Wyrms should start play with 1d6+1 knives, a crude dragon costume, and an insatiable thirst for gold, silver, gems, fine silks, and colorful tapestries.

Tuesday, September 10, 2019

Playtest #5 --- SkipJunkies][MeatRunners


Meth Bribery: fortunately this guy hates Tim / Drugs / A well executed ℞obbery / Doing Drugs and Making Mistakes and Making more Drugs.


Character -][- Player
Ted Teddy -][- Angus
Shiny Bright -][- Evlyn
Paw Graw -][- Ian
Skuzz -][- CK
Philomena Burroughs -][- Fiona

So far they've only been to BioSpace (aka the Infinimeat), and the City State of Entrada pictured above.

ORDER OF EVENTS PROBABLY
][
  • It began out in front of the Infinimeat COffice, everyone from before (Ted, Shiny, Philomena) just got paid. Philomena knew Skuzz, and Skuzz just got off a failed Meatrun with Paw Graw.
  • They all decided to go through with the pharmacy robbing plan, and just barely caught the tattooed pharm-tech getting off work on this, the next day.
  • I rolled “irreverent” on the disposition chart b/c I dunno what kinda day this dude had. He’s into the free meth they’re offering. E’rybody rolls on over to the Büket O Blüd, which is Hugo’s scene to a T. (Hugo = the Pharm Tech)
  • Philomena talked Hugo into slipping them a hated coworkers’ keys. He agreed and told ‘em to buy a bottle of cough syrup 1st thing tomorrow morning.
  • A whole shitload of X was purchased and consumed.
  • They spent the evening and some of the night in the spacer district at The Cancellation Machine, a droning goth club.
  • Heron and Opiates and through scrounging, the ingredients for Purple Drank were obtained.
  • They crashed at Tambry’s place, and went to grab the key card first thing in the morning. Skuzz asked a question of an employee to guarantee the Philomena’s successful palming of the poorly hid key card.
  • LATER... At 3 am, after everyone got a hippy scarf (personally select by Tambry) to hide their faces, and they headed to the closed pharmacy.
  • Philomena went in the front and managed to scrounge the Alarm code from a note by the register, before it went off. She then let everyone in through the back.
  • The junkies got professional all of a sudden.
  • Shiny rolled in and spray painted every visible camera and the spots she thought there were pin cams. Then stood lookout w/ a lazer piztol.
  • Philomena directed the plunder while Skuzz popped open all the prescription cubbies with Ted’s magnet.
  • Meanwhile, Paw Graw expertly opened all the OTC cough syrup locks, and Ted tossed ‘em all into a sack.
  • Shiny spraypainted a heart on the floor, on the way out, and they absconded with the loot.
  • Tambry was grateful but withdrew into her room.
  • Lots of drugs were manufactured and done. Philomena and Paw freaked out after pushing past tolerance. Shiny and Ted ODed, but survived.
  • Skuzz cobbled together an improvised retort and cooked up a distillate from those narcwhal parts they gang kept. He probably burnt it, but the substance seemed to have some psychoactive effect. Started the process again, but with far more success.


Now I gotta write up a simple, consistent way to determine type of drugz and #bags each dealer has available.

Maybe they’ll eventually take a skip job.

I also need to work out biological and cybernetic enhancements.

Finally, I've decided to make drugs count for XP only upon doing them, or selling them.

(Formerly, just obtaining the drugs got you the XP, but keeping track of drugs you've taken vs obtained and did you get the XP, and do all of them get doubled, o wait did I get these xp from this one... blech.)



Wednesday, August 28, 2019

SkipJunkies][MeatRunners session 4

The bushes are full of undercover narcotic agents, and their pockets are full of pink crystal meth, but we already made some meth so lets go steal organs from an exodimensional "whale". 

Player Characters --- Players
Shiny Bright --- Evlyn
Philomena Burroughs --- Fiona
Stank Wellhams --- Phil
Ted Teddy --- Angus


Events as recalled 2 days later, with the help of very few cogent notes. Mostly my notes are just unlabeled numbers that have lost all meaning.
  • Ted and Stank were pretty hungover and stumbled across some folx one of them has done drugs with before!
  • Those folx were just then failing to lift a pharm tech's store keys, and their names (the folx not the would be victim) were Philomena and Shiny.
  • They decide to hang b/c why not? The pharm tech goes inside with a hate on for our not-heroes.
  • The group decided to cook some meth with which to bribe the pharm tech.
  • Philomena orchestrates the whole affair, and throws together some psuedo Molly for the group too. They do the sorta-X and play with a magnet in the alley
  • At this point I rolled a Narc peddling pink meth on the encounter chart. They saw through his flop-sweating ass, Philomena in particular, and send him along. Wisely the players decide to move along afterward.
  • They went to the park across the street. I rolled Narc again, but rerolled b/c lets keep it interesting... That roll, also Narc. :\
  • I rolled one more time, to deal with the second part of the 10 hours they're waiting for this guy to get off work. Narcs, narcs everywhere. Sort of decided there were 3 different drug task-forces performing buyer stings out of this park today. Shiny dances with the ducks or maybe just dances at the ducks.
  • Philomena realized they'd already been mostly paid for this robbing job via the chem-mag laser pistols so she and Shiny talked Ted and Stank into meatrunning! (I wasn't very pre
  • They met Jack Jackson at try-hard "quirky boutique" coffee shop, near the business district. He now worked for Infinimeat corp., a very well known panstellar company. 
  • He offered them similar terms, 1 million Standards for minimum of 1 organ. 500k for each additional organ. Nothing for nothing. Quickly agreed.
  • They hop a fully automated bus, and the turnstile, headed for the same office building downtown.
  • Once in welcome city, Philomena buys Ted a shirt that says, EAT ASS before they run on down to the office.
  • Same blonde, dickish guy, but with puffier and redder eyes than before, met them at the otherwise empty office. They all got outfitted in Armor and w/ 1,000 round, First Blood (tm) Assault Rifles. 

  • Long ride up the massive space elevator. Long drone piloted ride to some point out in space. Quick explosion as high pressure blood foamed and froze, expanding into empty space before the fleshcraft was fired at 1.5 Gs into the portal wound.
  • Shiny quickly got control of the boat as it briefly careened through the blood vessel, but missed the anchor spot by a few hundred meters. That made for a longer walk through the slick, pink, bulbous fleshscape.
  • Philomena passes out in a slightly alarming fashion b/c Fiona needed to go.
  • Everyone just left her there in the boat and went on the run. As advertised, long, wet, slick, climb+walk to get to the downed narcwhal. 
  • They carefully stepped into the things mouth, through the previously inserted jawjacks. The mouth-floor was made from several layers of a very elastic and fleshy mesh. They pole-sawed through the epiglottic flap to explore the trachea hall. Nobody wanted to deal with the stomach acid-bile shit in the colon hall, beyond the 3/4 open sphincter.

  • There were weird little knob things on stalks sticking out on the middle of the intersection. The junkies avoided these, which was good. Touch those, having been sensory organs, would have alerted every still-functioning macro-immune-responses to the PC's presence.
  • The PCs then immediately shot their way through the murder-flap* hall, thus alerting all remaining macro-immune responses to the PC's presence. However, they scored an Organ!
  • Went down the other trachea hall to a lungs room. The room started breathing and 3 Scoopheads fell out when Shiny took the polesaw from Stank (Phil was having connectivity issues) to pull on a ceiling flap.
  • Shiny fell, but they still murdered the scoopheads pretty handily: Ted spit some lead and Shiny absolutely murdered with that sweet sweet glitter-sword.
  • They decided to saw through a softspot in the wall in the hall. They then noped the fuck away when a giant parasite, anchored right beside their new hole, twists around so as to eat them.
  • 8 Scoopheads immediately crawled out from the stretchy flesh-mesh holes when the team got back to the mouth. Fortunately the PCs had guns and used them to clear a path. 
  • They handily avoided an ambush of white-bloodcell monsters right outside.
  • They were, however, already looking at 30ish of the bastards out in the bulbous fields of collagen and lipids and cartilage and what-have-you.
  • They ran and avoided a surprising number of attacks. Well Stank didn't. Shiny tried to help scrape the whitebloodcellmonsters(tm) off of him, but it turned into a 2 steps forward, 1 step back situation.
  • Shiny bailed. Ted already had bailed. Philomena was still laid up in the boat, snoring.
  • Shiny boldly piloted the flesh-boat, pushing the anchor closer to Stank, giving him a chance to avoid me rolling on the Immune Response generator again, and probably killing him. It worked!
  • Shiny Throws the switch as soon as the anchor door closed. The switch kicks the jump rocket, pushing the boat through the portal-wound the pneumatic claws and a fuckload energy just made.
  • SUCCESS. 

Sunday, August 25, 2019

SkipJunkies][MeatRunners: Session 3 recap, finally

"I just got involved in politics," she announced after being gifted 2 BAGs* of llello while already hi af on MDMA.

Character --- Player
Philomena Burroughs --- Fiona
Shiny Bright --- Evlyn

by Evlyn, I love her work so much. :]


events, chronologically arranged, season to taste
  • Philomena and Shiny both get paid!! 
    Chips only hold up to 10k Standards,
    but aren't legally attached to your citizen/resident/visitor ID #

  • Hongkek gets held up as no one, including Exodock Security, expected him to be there.
  • Shiny Bright gets out first and immediately goes to buy a short sword. She wisely chooses a vaguely katana looking sword, in titanium carbo-nitride grey, with a GLOSSY GLITTER ENAMEL. It's in the touristy part of town, and I've personally found so many places to buy swords in the touristy parts of so many towns.
  • Philomena and Shiny head to a slightly off the beaten path bar, to score some drugs.
  • Shiny scores some Molly while Philomena fills out an online recruiter evaluation on her pay card. She uses this as an opportunity to lay down the groundwork to blackmail Jack Jackson.
  • Then Philomena buys some Molly, and does the Molly that she bought. 
  • Then Philomena steals some Molly from the dealer.
  • P & S then bounce to find a club with prettier people. All boring business boys and half-lost tourists.
  • The take a bus outta the Welcome City district, heading towards the GRaTS. Maybe they're also gonna check out that ℞ob Job from the note. You guys remember the note, right?
  • I rolled 3 "upset people" on the random encounter chart, and sedition is always on my mind; therefore, 3 folx were getting pretty angrily pumped for a forthcoming protest at the back of the bus.




  • Everyone is your friend on E so P & S go chat 'em up. After a few minutes, they put up their protest stuff and pass around some twacked jays. It's a nice chill time...
  • Until 3 lame straightxxxedge fuckers get on the bus. They talk some uncreative and obnoxious shit, and disturbingly mention something about a "convention" in town.
  • P & S confront them to prove once and for all, Drug Culture is superior to T totaling Bullshit.
  • P gets clocked on the dome, but StraightxxxEdge fuck #1 fails so spectacularly at fighting as to slip and KO himself.
  • losers bounce as soon as possible
  • before P & S leave, the cool kids in the back of the bus gift them some cocaine
  • they go check out the rob job address, leaving open the possibility of just robbing this place instead
  • a skinny, huggy spiritual hippyish woman answers the door, Tambry Allens
  • she lost her job, and therefor health insurance. the meds she needs monthly are 12 million Standards. 
  • that's the job. here are 2 laser pistols she got from the uncle she never wanted to see again. please steal her ℞, and whatever else in there is yours.
  • Shiny drinks all the lady's wine after she goes to bed
  • they try to lift the store keys when the door opens with a "woops, I dropped my groceries" ruse the next moring
  • the streetwise pharmtech catches them handily

  • fin

  • they get to level 2!! almost level 3! I have revamped the XP values now!!!


*BAGs are an abstraction to make shit easier. 1 BAG represents the smallest amount of a substance a hardcore user would consider "worthwhile".


ALSO: I just released another instalment of my Stark Naked Neo Savages and Sanguine City States digital zine thing!!! #4!!!

33 pages, full color, hyperlinked, and all that.

Sex toys on treasure charts?

2 different dangerous shit covered nests?

Robot Nephews?

Trailerpark dungeon?

Lycra-clad desert warriors with floating giant nematodes?

All the good stuff! 
GET IT HERE!!

it's pwyw but if you can spare a little, I might be able to make moar weird-sad stuff moar often
💋