Saturday, June 8, 2019

Filth Gnomes



Don yonder ways, o'er by the eastish edge of the Dimbright wood, northerly abouts from town. In the Low Places, which ne'er do drain, that's where them're at. Filth Gnomes lazily lounging lurid in the muck which e'er does grow.

Them ne'er shall know the torrid touch of disease nor can them be poisoned. (Positively enormous, efficient livers & immune systems) I hath e'en seen them quaff teas of Death's Mother Mushrooms and Stricture Root. For sooth, them do live small and quarrelous lives. Similarly, them are of small 'n' quarrelous visage. (4-5' tall, Scrappy as Fuck, DIRTY)

Alright, I'm tired of that narratorial voice.

Squalid and unbelabored they live in a land to which many others drain. Slow, slow, slow is the the seepage through bedrock. Thus do dark swamps piebaldly encircle a fungal marsh. There the Filth Gnomes stay, almost amphibious in a way. Always wet, noisome, unconcernedly happy after a fashion. Quick to spit, quick to hit, will fucking beat you to death with a branch if you give 'em trouble.

Sordid, Filthy, and Free.

They eat what's at hand and drink and fornicate as they see fit. They can sustain quite easily with locally gathered vegetation. However, the glorious little shits much prefer well aged meats. Most are content to sit in their on personal puddles, calm and free (blowing hot the coals of my jealousy).

Theirs is not a monolithic society, not really a society at all. Some live in slimy burrows where they age ammonia rich cheese. Other gnomi instead inhabit simple shelters, have an affection for fire and cooked food, or even have some degree of personal hygiene. Some fools even dare to head into the terrible Clean Lands.
Approximately 80% of the Filth Gnome population are women/girls.



Filth Gnome, 1+1 HD, AC as Leather, 1 attack, Club 1d6+2. Special: Scrappy as Fuck, +2 to melee damage. Special: DIRTY -3 reaction rolls with civilized folks. Special: Muck is Quiet for Its Own, 75% chance to successfully hide or sneak in wetland environments.


As PCs:

Some need to see and experience more: clean bright sunshine shimmering on an open cesspit, the streak of dung and raspberry jam on a Vicar's new white robe, whiskey, drugs, the taste of new and differently hued slime...


Level as Halfling

CON is 2 points higher than indicated. CHA is 1 point lower than indicated.
STR is 1 point lower than indicated.
1d6 HD.

Poison Save starts at 10 (loosing contact with the familiar and varied toxins of their environment takes its toll) and goes down by 1 each level. However, after level 5, a pilgrimage to a legendary grossness must be made to lower the saving throw. All other saves remain at 15.

Plus roll 2x on the following chart to  determine further abilities. Roll again on this chart at levels 3, 6, and 9.

  1. Scrappy as Shit, +1 to melee damage. Another +1 on rerolls.
  2. Of the Soil and Sand, -3 reaction rolls with civilized folks, +3 with burrowing things. If rolled again, the dirt in the gnome's ears serves as translator with all burrowing things. If rolled a third time, burying the gnome causes them to heal at a rate of 1 HP per hour. After that it's nothing. Sorry.
  3. Muck is Quiet for Its Own, 70% chance to successfully hide or sneak in wetland environments. +5% on rerolls. ½ chance in other environments, round up.
  4. Friendly Infection, roll 1d4 for specifics.
      1. Swollen Boil, acetone stinking thin yellow puss inside. With successful attack roll, and a squeeze, victim is blinded for 1d4 rnds. The gunk really stings, ya know. Rerolls mean more boils. Pop 1/day. Itchy.
      2. Fungal Belly, sustained fungus colony in stomach gives Gnome ability to digest cellulose as well as especially terrible halitosis. Twigs and leaves become viable food sources. Ration needs are reduced by ½, assuming there's enough plant-life around. First reroll means Gnome can simply graze like a herd animal for sustenance if needed. If rolled again, the colony is slightly happier.
      3. Cheese Teeth, breath smells like Roquefort. Rapid flesh-eating bacteria have colonized the Gnome's mouth, sustained by a small portion of whatever meat the gnome consumes. Bite does 1 damage with successful attack roll. Next round bite-victim must Save vs Poison or take 1d3 damage. On each subsequent combat round (or every 6-10 seconds) Save vs Poison or take another 1d3, until the save is successful. (This also makes kissing non-filth folx complicated.)
      4. Tripping Pits, a bacteria-fungus symbiote resides in the Gnome's armpit or crotch. It's excretions can be scraped off 1/day (become dry/unusable in 4 hours); a very powerful, short-lived hallucinogen, each scraping causes a man-sized creature to be effectively stunned for 1d6 minutes. Rerolls mean more scrapings are available.
  5. Fuck You, You Big Fucks! long experience in fighting things notably bigger than them gives this Gnome +1 to hit vs Folks and Critters Bigger than Them. Rerolls stack.
  6. Fen Lore, they know the tastes and stanks of the useful things. They know. Sharp, bitter willow leaves for pain; savory, roast chicken flavor of sulfurshelf mushrooms for hunger; honeysuckle, sweet floral and fleeting to raise fallen spirits; the spicy citrus of astringent witch hazel. 55% chance to find flora useful to the problem at hand, usually hunger, injury, or disease, when in wetland environments. Can heal 1 HP or replace 1 ration. Takes 1d20 minutes to rummage it up if available.



Stink it up, y'all. Feels like I can only write literal filth lately.




Womp womp...

Thursday, May 23, 2019

Trash Dragons





Colorful, an oil slick on
shallow puddle of our logic,
they noisome slide on starlit nights
via filth-robed wretched might.




So many of the rpg rituals I've been writing lately are mostly self abasement, degradation. Which I suspect says more about my kinks than anything else.

“Welcome to shrug city, P.”

I'm not quite this gross. Just to be clear.

quite

...
(Quick note: anybody can do magic [mostly via weird ritual] in my home game. Wise Witches are usually better at it, though. If you're more traditionally frpg minded, only magic users or chaos aligned clerics prolly can do this.)

The ritual is simple, and relatively safe. Assuming dysentery and food poisoning don't kill ya in the first couple of days.


Required components:
  • A Trash Dragon's True Name
    • Currently 17 [of 49] remain unsummoned.
    • When discovered 2/6 chance name is still usable.
  • An old midden heap or cesspit
  • Willingness to discard one's standing, to debase oneself to an unconcerned bit of refuse.
Sign of Unbalanced Orbs


First, strip naked before the trash pile at midday. You are nothing and have nothing but trash, refuse, garbage.

Second, prepare yourself for anti-ablution. Carve the Sign of Unbalanced Orbs into your flesh with any convenient bit of garbage.

Third, enter into the midden, your new home. Unwash yourself, taking care to crust filth particularly on your unhallowed wounds.

Fourth, declare yourself “...not but trash!” to all passersby.

Fifth, leave not your midden for at least 7 days.

Sixth, eat not but what you find; accept no alms and touch nothing clean nor blessed.

Seventh, on a New Moon at midnight scream “Serpent of Earth by Man Refused, I call ye. As, from, and to the filth, I call ye. Refuse me not! I am dung. I am trash. I am thee! Come to me! [true name 3×].”

In game terms, Save vs Poison or die from infection 1d6 days into the ritual. (Prime secret DM roll territory here.)

When the dragon is called, Save vs Magic or become the dragon rather than binding them to your will. You're a filthy chaos beast now. Them's the breaks.

Successful summoning grants a permanent +4 to all Poison saves. The dragon will consider the summoner an important advisor and trusted friend, almost a parent. However, while the dragon will usually obey the summoner, they don't have to. Their primary purpose and desire is to befoul fresh and clean things.

about them big ol’ filth lizards

The “flesh” is semisolid, half compost, half spoiled meat. Sinuous, they swim through the air like an eel. Rot and disease festers always in their wake.

Trash Dragons are 15-20’ long with mass equivalent to an adult tiger. Coloration: mildew black, wormy apple brown, pork slime green, fungal purple, cockroach sable, etc.

stat block shiz
Trash Dragon, 3+3 HD, AC as Chain, 1 attack, Gross Bite 1d8+3, Move: Sinuous and Quick.
Special: 2× per day, Fetid Breath -- 1d6 damage, 70’ radius. All (except dragon and summoner) must Save vs Poison or vomit uncontrollably for 1d8 rounds.
Special: 1× per day, Unbirth -- Trash Dragon can transform into a Trash Pile. Trash Dragon will reform at midnight.
















more SkipJunkies][MeatRunners


“Somehow, it’s easy to forget the shape of a place. Spend 12 Skips and two tin-livers away, and ya forget how Entrada is built like a shrug. Lotsa places look like 10,000 claws all tearing at the sky. Only Entrada looks like it don’t know, and it don’t care. See, Entrada had something like ¾ of a livable atmosphere to begin with; most places don’t. Think that’s why most places are so damn vertical. Entrada got room to spread. Out towards it’s edge, Entrada got that big ole GRaTS [Glide Rail Transportation System] ring, built up pretty damn high. The nearby buildings and structures sorta match that height, then they get shorter as real estate competition lessens. It’s even worse over by Willkommen, that huge fucking Space Elevator. (Thing is goddamn BIG if you ain’t ever seen it. It’s like six shopping malls or some shit, going up and down the grav-well few times daily. A not-small spaceport’s up top, too.) Anyway, you got that big round head (exo-docks), the neck (Enter City proper, Elevator) and a wave of indifferent shoulders either side (GRaTS). This place don’t know. This moon don’t care. Ya know, don’t hear nobody else talk about it. Maybe it’s just me. Think I was pretty wrecked on San Pedro when I first washed up here, to be honest…”

Green = Inhabitable
Orange = Variably Inhabitable
Red = Uninhabitable




Monday, May 13, 2019

Play Report: SkipJunkies][MeatRunners #1


SkipJunkies][MeatRunners first Playtest.

(SkipJunkies][MeatRunners is a far future, medium-boiled scifi game. In it, you play drug addicts exploited for the most dangerous jobs anywhere: Skip Piloting [FTL travel] and Narcwhal Hunting [in the Infinimeat]. Also, Drugs for XP.)

Characters:
Merb played by Abbi
My Hot Reality played by Anxy
Joe played by Tony

Setup:
Awoke in an alley, behind a Daygo™ bodega, on Entrada.
(Entrada being a very old Colony centered around an enormous space elevator, the Willkommen. Basically a complex the size of 3 shopping malls goes up and down the gravity well several times a day. More or less it is 3 malls.)

Meat Runner by Alex Mayo,
I'm making this game/setting with In Search of Games.
Shit that happened in probably chronological order:
  • Vaguely remembered looking for work night before. Note taped to Joe's forehead with 3 jobs on it. Skip Job, a Meat Run, and and Robbery. They chose Meat Run.
  • Met Jak Horner at the Buckt o' Blüd, a spoopy-darkness metal club.
    • Agreed   with no negotiation to the job b/c Joe was jonesing for something speedy real bad.
    • It was a “Vulture” run for Condor Inc., swooping in to complete a failed organ haul.
    • Jak kept bugging them to remember “Ol' Jak” if they get chosen for an after-job survey. He “tossed in” a free Quick-Cell Lazer. Even printed out a 6' long receipt with their contract on it.
  • They grab some cheap, cooked grub from auto-vendors and head towards the center of town. Reality manages to offload a synth mescaline pill for a few Standards.
  • Outfitted by some asshole with long, slicked-back, blonde hair. They qualify for hardsuit fully environmental armor, 2 Assault Rifles, and 1 telescopic 6-12' titanium spear.
  • Drone delivered to the coordinates, portal-wound explosively torn into space, fired through fountain of blood into a vein about the size of 6 lane interstate.
  • Joe poorly piloted the red-blood-cell shaped craft, but managed to fire the anchor at exactly the right moment.
  • They headed out and into the downed Narcwhal (imagine a flea-narwhal hybrid covered in clear silica plates, the size of an office building, swimming through a reality of infinite flesh) through previously inserted jaw-jack. Two large compressed gas containers on either side of the jack.
  • Once inside the huge mouth cavity, they're immediately ambushed by a Scavanger Phage (silica-crab-virus looking thing) but quickly murder it. Merb takes some of it's dark blue inner goo.
  • Headed  deeper into the throat, past jiggly dangling meat curtains.
  • Did not further investigate a huge, moaning stomach monster in the left most flesh-chamber. Didn't head further down the trachia-hall which veered left a bit. Quickly gave up on the epiglottis-flaps-with-spikes filled flesh-tunnel (despite the virtual certainty an organ would be found there). Rather, Joe uses the spear to work a giant sphincter open, and they pop on through.
  • A small flesh chamber on the right was ignored, and they continued down the colon-ish passage until it opened up.
  • Finally, payday. Two organs hung from jiggling strands about 12' above the squishy floor. Between the Junkie Scum and the organs, 6 Bear-sized stomach monsters were rubbing on each other and making sad noises.
  • Joe held 'em back with the spear, more or less. Merb and Reality mowed 'em down. Merb took a minor hit from a acidic-mucilage whip, but armor so w/e.
  • Got the organs, but now some crazy-loud fart-roar keeps intoning back the way they'd came. Desperate looking about the dead end reveals a SECRET SPHINCTER! Reality shoots it open.
  • On the other side they grabbed another organ and crawled on down a stretchy 2' wide flesh tube in the floor. It went on for an unfortunate long time. Lights on their armor made mostly useless as they squirmed uncertainly ahead. Contact mics on outside of their suits created an unholy splorch and pop cacophony. It's like 150' long passage, but they did come out behind the HUGE fucking stomach beast heading to where they'd been.
  • Successfully eluded an ambush by waiting antibodies outside the narcwhal and hauled balls back to the ship.
  • It's decided they didn't wanna hang out to try and jerry-rig a retort to steal the good drugs from any of the 3 organs.
  • Came back, got paid. They did get the lazer rifle as promised, but not the equally expensive battery.
  • Merb and Reality struck out, but Joe scored 9 bags of H, in Welcome City Proper!
  • That's 3 bags each, 80 xp / bag.
  • My brain felt sweaty from imagining so hard. We stopped.
  • It was fun-on-a-bun!
Edit: For a little deeper look into what the game is like, take a look at the CHARACTER CREATION GUIDE for my campaign. The color piece on the first page is by Corey Brin; they make amazin' arts y'all!

Friday, April 26, 2019

GLITTERBOTS

If I ever run mechs, (link) this is the system.
Fuck I like it so much. The ratio of abstraction to specificity is juuuust right.

This is the setting:
<[{Disclaimer - I've never watched any like mecha anime or shows or whatever. Though I played mechwarrior... 2 maybe, on my computer as a kid a bunch. Mostly just in the mission simulator in an expansion cuz you could be whatever mech you wanted.}]>

GLITTER-BOTS: Melancholy and Explosions


Above, all is lost, eroded, photodegraded, destroyed. The raw grit, sand, and stones of continents bake beneath an unforgiving sun. Rivers and seas are choked in reflective microplastics. Most life on the planet gave up the ghost eons ago. Still though, some few specs of humanity cling to the baren surface.


Below, there still lie many, many, many technological artifacts from the Before. Above, there remains perpetual WAR!


Few things:
·So many of those artifacts are big fighting robots you ride inside.
·Melodramatic tendencies have been sexually selected for due to societal pressures, driven primarily by sexual selection. It's a feedback loop that's been going on for a long time, the beginning of which is unknowable.
·Literal glitter clogging the rivers.
·What does live is painfully dayglo, vibrant and strong.
·LISAFRANKLSDGLOWSTICKDEATHSOLILOQUYMISSILESRADIATIONBEAST
·All the player characters have a mech-fight-suit, robo-war-machine, or other big vehicle.
·Most villages are arranged fort-like, and 4-10 big fucking robots. This is because of frequent raids from random warbands and enemy villages.
·AESTHETIC IS GLITTER - PINK - NEON GREEN - FLOWERS - UNICORN CYBORGS - ELECTRIC BLUE CHEETAHS BITING THROUGH STEEL - ETC.
- Hiding is considered despicable. Announce yourself brightly, shine forth in glittering bravery.
- Almost everyone respects the right of a defeated soul to spill forth a fabulous death soliloquy.


_BIG SPARKLE METAL SHIT TO DRIVE_
  1. BubbleGlam Walkers
  2. BriteFite Neon RoboWarrior
  3. TubbyTurtleTrax Armored Personnel Carrier
  4. CandyCricket 6 Leg Hopper
  5. Dolphin Dazzle-Jammer
  6. RollyPolly w/ Lil Buddy

Fucking GlitterBots, can hold 1 pilot comfortably unless otherwise noted.
PCs begin with 1 Bot and 1 Aux or Main System.


BubbleGlam Walker
Armour 2, STR 16, DEX 14.
4 Power, 1 Main, 2 Aux (GUN or MISSILE only).
Integrated System/s
Replump System - 4 Power - Blast of Polymer Resins and Superheated Air plumps out dents and mends tears for 1d6 STR healin’.


BriteFite Neon RoboWarrior
Armour 2, STR 19, DEX 9.
5 Power, 2 Main, 2 Aux.
Integrated System/s
Kinetic Lazer Melee Weapon - 0 Power - d12+1
OP: +1d8 OR 1d8 Blast


TubbyTurtleTrax Armored Personnel Carrier
Armour 4, STR 20, DEX 6.
3 Power, 2 Aux.
Integrated System/s
Ramming Nose - 0 Power - 1d10 (must Move in same round)
OP: +1d4
Special, Must be stopped to fire Aux Weapons. Aux slots only on either side of fixed stairs. Holds 12 heavily armed folks comfortably, plus an entire Pilot!


CandyCricket Hoppity ‘Bot
Armour 2, STR 12, DEX 18.
4 Power, 1 Main, 2 Aux.
Integrated System/s
Hyper Hop - 4 Power - Can instantly jump out of or back into the general fighting arena.


SkyDolphin Dazzle-Jammer
Armour 1, STR 13, DEX 18.
4 Power, 2 Aux.
Integrated System/s
Dazzle Jam - 4 Power - Target (robots only) is stunned 1 round, may only Move. For 1d4 further rounds -1 penalty to saves and damage as sensor systems continue to erratically fail.
Special, vehicle can dive to 2000’ below the glittery waves as well as fly or hover up to 1000’ into the mostly green sky.


RollyPolly w/ Lil Buddy
Armour 3, STR 16, DEX 13.
3 Power, 1 Main.
Integrated System/s
Little Buddy - 2 Power - Power only necessary to deploy buddy-drone. 1 Power to recall buddy.
Drone, STR 12, 13 DEX. 2 Power. 1 Power 1d6 Buddy Blast. OP +1 Damage. Fly or Hover within 1200’ of RollyPolly.
Roll Up - 3 Power - For 1d3 +1 rounds the Rolly Polly balls up and projects a force shield. Cannot move, but would roll down hills, etc. Little Buddy must be deployed and may still attack.

Some Systems:

SuperViolet Pepper Box Pulse Lazer (Main)
d10
OP 2: Pilot must pass DEX save or be blinded for d4 rounds.

Pizazz Twin MISSILE Platform (Main)
d12+d4, +d8 vs soft targets.
OP: Fire both at once. These missiles take 2 weeks and access to a big ol’ scrapyard and tools to replace.


Nonreal MISSILE Launcher (Main)
d3 Damage, ignores armour.
OP: +d3 Damage, stackable.

Grapple CANNON (Main)
Strong enough to lift the Bot itself.
OP: Deft enough to grab but not harm soft targets.

Boost Zap (Aux)
One use per battle. Add 2 Power for 1 round.

Glow Shield (Aux)
1 Armour.
OP: 2 Armour

Pain Ray GUN (Aux)
Bypass Armour, 2 damage to Pilot or other soft target. Will not deal STR damage.
OP: Pilot must pass WIL save or be stunned for 1 round.

FuschiaFlash Particle GUN (Aux)
d6
OP: +d4


Scatter Shot Mag GUN (Aux)
d6, can hit 2 adjacent targets.
OP: +d4, unusable for # rounds equal to total damage, stackable.

Puce PseudoPlasma Glob Launcher (Main)
d8, d4 next round.
OP: 1d4 DEX damage.


Selective Magnetic Net MISSILE (Aux)
Target must DEX save or get tangled in the net. Soft targets take d8 damage. Reusable.

AI Assisted Targeting System (Aux)
+1 Damage.

AntiPsuedo Electron GUN (Aux)
d6 Bots only
OP: STR save or lose 1 Power until repairs are made.

Electric Mucilage GUN (Aux)
d4, DEX save or act last next round.
OP: +1 damage.

Shiny Energy Spikes (Aux)
Melee attacks against the bot, deal 1 damage to the attacker.
OP: +1 damage, stackable.


Nano Singularity MISSILE (Aux)
d12.
OP: Nearby objects (including bots) are slammed towards the target. DEX save to avoid. These missiles require 1 month and access to a scrapyard to replace.



//ANTAGONISTS\\



DRAB CRABS
(Extremely territorial and migratory. Gross creeps chop prey into lil bits, open nictitating membrane, toss bits into gross eye-mouth.)
Armour 1, HP 10, 2D4 Ragged Claws, STR 13, DEX 11, WIL 7. Does not count as Soft Target.


HUGE BLUE CHEETAHS THAT FUKKEN DRINK ELECTRICITY
HP 25, d10 Bite, STR 15, DEX 19, WIL 17. Does not count as Soft Target.

Special: After doing critical damage, can spit Indigo Plasma Orb, d12.


DOUR WOLFPACK RAIDERS
(Sneaky Cowards in Camo Powered Armor)
Armour 1. HP 15, d8 Ion Blast STR 14, DEX 10, WIL 11-13. Does not count as Soft Target.
Out of Armor 3 HP. Leader has Aux slot.


NEIGHBORING COMMUNITIES

make up some botz and getz dramatic, y'alls!!



Monday, April 1, 2019


"...Plutonic Bronze quite naturally occurs as an alloy of arsenic, tin, and, of course, copper.
"It's smithying has long been noted a deathly and morbid pursuit. Laming even the strongest of smiths as legend reports. The superiority of such blades even to quite excellent, tin heavy bronze is unquestionable.
"These are arsenical bronze only, however. True Plutonic Bronze is quite rare. It may only be mined by the blind and those condemned to die. Deep, deep, deep are the rare shafts in which the veins lie. The casts must be lined in the wizard's own blood and poured in the black of a moonless night.
"According to Meilanachus, wounds caused by Plutonic Bronze blades cannot be healed. To be frank, Your Grace, I've never investigated a claim by Meilanachus that was not true. I urge you to handle the blade as little as possible. Were you to nick your thumb, the cut shall stay with you unto your grave, may God-most-Censorious keep that day long at bay..."

- Excerpted from private correspondences of the Beige Duke..


It's all true, except the blood on molds thing. Which means you don't actually need a wizard, but, like, no wizard is telling anybody that.

Wizardry is a real feast or famine sort of business. The biggest customers always are rich assholes who want other rich assholes dead.

Anyway what it says on the tin. Damage done by these blades does not heal. So a PC getting popped for 8 damage from a Plutonic Bronze spear when they're level 2, 12 HP, they're gonna be at 4 HP tops, going forward. (until leveling or whatever)

If you have magical healing in your games, that don't work either. Sans the direct intervention of a powerful god, the wounds DO NOT heal.

Cuts that aren't held closed in some way, will of course continue to be a problem...


'--------'
'_________'


The Baron's Pie Knife

Unadorned Plutonic Bronze Cinquedea, 1d6 Damage.

+1 to hit, +2 Damage against folx in less than Chain Armor. Damage dealt by this weapon cannot be healed.