Tuesday, July 25, 2017

Big Basic Weird Fairytale Equipment d100 Table



Characters start out with: a burlap sack, a few crusts of bread, clothes, and roll 1d100 on the fucking chart 3 times.
(Also I think with random equipment, we should probably roll stats, then equipment, then pick a class.)






.
1.      Knife with Whaletooth Handle
2.      Brass Shears
3.      Bear Skin
4.      Rapier with Clamshell-guard
5.      Big Rattan Shield
6.      Small Hunk of Fools Gold
7.      Wineskin, half-full
8.      Clay Pipe, Just a little Opium
9.      Bundle of String
10.  1 Silk Stocking
11.  Small Sack of Lead Shot
12.  Halfpike
13.  Cheap Tin Scissors
14.  Block & Tackle with 24’ Rope
15.  Hand Drill
16.  Powder Horn, Full
17.  Deer Hide
18.  Silver Lance (Medical)
19.  Crowbar
20.  5’ of Chain with a Horseshoe Welded on the End
21.  Pair of Dueling Pistols, 4 Balls, & 4 Vials of Powder in a Nice Box
22.  Clay Jug, ¼ full of Moonshine
23.  3 Threadbare Socks
24.  Heavy Fabric Sheet
25.  Pink Phrygian Cap
26.  Iron Tipped Spade
27.  3 Flasks of Oil
28.  Broadaxe
29.  Broken Manacles
30.  Dented Trumpet
31.  6 Wires of Various Lengths
32.  Heavy Belt with a Pointy Buckle
33.  Crock of Lard
34.  Plain Wooden Stein
35.  2 Bars of Strong Lye Soap
36.  Buckskin Jacket
37.  Oiled Iron Breadbasket
38.  Stubborn Donkey
39.  Straight Razor & Strop
40.  Heavy Chisel
41.  2 Dozen Caltrops
42.  Long Rivercane Switch
43.  50’ Rope
44.  Tin Whistle
45.  Lock & Key
46.  Prosthetic Leg
47.  Rusty Old Musket, Nonfunctional
48.  Nice Tricorn Hat
49.  Fine Brass Bonesaw
50.  Blankets
51.  Lantern, Flask of Oil, Flint
52.  Pan Flute
53.  Clay Pot of Clove Scented Pomade
54.  Whetstone
55.  2 Iron Pots with Lids
56.  Throwing Axe
57.  Flint, Steel, & Tinder
58.  30’ Sturdy Rope
59.  4 Small Bronze Bells
60.  Floppy Yellow Hat
61.  Monkey’s Fist Knot, tied around a Rock, 3’ Tail
62.  Small Willow Bow & 6 Arrows
63.  4 Torches, Flint, & Steel
64.  Canvas Tent
65.  Fancy Riding Crop
66.  Decorative Brass Nail
67.  Wooden Cup, Carved with the Symbol of God-most-Censorious
68.  6 Bone Needles
69.  Wheelbarrow
70.  Miner’s Pick
71.  3 Darts & a Dartboard
72.  Heavy Felling Axe
73.  Several Foolscaps of Fine Paper
74.  Water Skin
75.  Steel Bear Trap
76.  Mallet & 12 Wooden Stakes
77.  Small Cask of Rum
78.  Fishing Gear
79.  Lead Effigy of ISoG
80.  Flint & Steel
81.  6 Crude Knives
82.  Large Bottle of Laudanum
83.  Rusty Iron Cutlass
84.  Small Knife
85.  Sturdy Digging Stick, Orange Bodark
86.  Canvas Rucksack
87.  Grimoire: Summon & Bind a Tooth Collector
88.  Three Thick Beeswax Candles
89.  Iron Fireplace Poker
90.  5 Empty Vials
91.  2 Torches, Flint, & Steel
92.  Crude Bone Mattock
93.  Smooth River Stone
94.  Crampons
95.  Huge Grain Flail studded with Scrap Iron
96.  Small Sword
97.  Mallet & 6 Iron Spikes
98.  Awkward Crossbow, 4 Bolts
99.  Dental Pliers
100.    Goat Leather Sling & 3 Iron Bullets


Tuesday, July 18, 2017

Murder Xmas in July

So late last year, Chris asked me to write an adventure about evil Santa Claus. I hesitated.

I don’t like Christmas, at all.

David Lewis Johnson


(Being an atheist, queer, transwoman without family ties would be enough. However, I’ve worked in retail for the majority of my life so I extra super fucking hate xmas.)

Then I was just like, fuck it. I wanna do this, but make it fucking terrifying. Like why would you want a campy, softcore xmas adventure? I dunno, I guess folks do. But I sure as shit didn’t want to write that.

Shortly thereafer, I got flooded with inspirational/aspirational artwork, and the goddamned thing bled out of me in a single arterial spurt.


Thomas Novosel
C├ędric Plante


Then everyone else involved helped me make it so, so much better. (Especially you Liz!)

Now, “Santa is Dead” has been nominated for a fucking Ennie, in the Free Product Category. Which is a little crazy. It’s a seasonal product from a first time publisher… like this situation is surprising.

Until you look at the team Chris assembled.


And, if you have a few bucks to spare, the money “Santa is Dead” earns goes to a great cause.







*****

What's an Ennie? It's basically like the Gen Con award. One of the bigger awards, I think, in the industry. It is somehow vaguely associated with that ENworld website. I am still not sure what ENworld is. 
So yeah, it's the Gen Con award, and is based on fan voting. So if you are a fan, please vote.

Saturday, May 27, 2017

A biosociopsychological look at orcs

at the edge of the children pit



In orcs, pregnancy strikes like a disease. Mothers never really recover from it. Sooner or later it kills them.

Sooner than later.
A final gift from the father of her children. The one who did not acknowledge her voice.
Always final.

Fever and delirium are the headiest symptoms. The delirium dims whilst the infant suckles. The fever remains, usually quite high. Like garbage coffee, overheated to hide its hideousness, orc milk sears the tongue.

Orcine infants fight to cease feeding. Orcine mothers fight to feed them continually.

From almost their first breath, orcs know nothing but pain and violence.

After three days, occasionally as long as three weeks, the infants can consume raw flesh. They are then thrown into the children pit with a few fresh carcasses. Whenever a child can climb out of the pit, they are members of the tribe.

This is celebrated with a feast.

The feast of course is an affront to the hateful yellow god that made the orcs.
Fasting follows it. Sometimes famine.

Orcs are made to hate and to suffer.

Saturday, April 29, 2017

Sunstroke Daemon

a being built of living EM energy  



HD 2+2. AC made of raw sunshine. 2 Attacks: 1d12/1d12 blistering microwave claws or Special: continual light 1/rnd; loves to blind folks. Move: unhurried and sneering. Special: it cannot be harmed by non-magical means. Special: takes 1d12 damage from darkness and shadow type spells. Special: can be trapped via any opaque surface, assuming a light-tight seal.

Amazing Art by Sam Mameli


A puzzle-ish monster featured in Ruinous Palace of the Metegorgos.

Tuesday, March 14, 2017

Darf!


Darf! a playable class (if you hate everyone in your group)


Darfs are pretty small. Darfs are all unique. Darfs are probably a joke played by some dumb god of coked up orcs or something.

They share a few common traits: stubby little limbs, blunt mismatched tails, big stupid mouths.

The things can ambulate on either 2 or 4 legs. Mostly though, they slapstick and slip their way ahead, more or less.

All, however, squeak out the word, “Darf!” when frightened, hurt, or perplexed.

Game Shiz:

Darfs! advance as thieves/specialists

  • HD d12 (Min 6)
  • BAB -1
  • Armor: Natural AC  of 15. May only wear helmets, AC 17, but it looks really stupid.
  • Saves: All saves begin at 10. All go down by 1, per level. Darfs are notoriously hard to kill. Obnoxiously lucky.
  • Weapons: All weapons wielded by Darfs do 1d3 damage at most. (Note that their strength falls within human norms. Those dumb little fingers, though… those, those idiotic fumbling movements… No matter if it is the Lasso of Eternity or a lousy prison shank or a fucking halberd – all inflict the same ineffectual amount of damage.)

Special Notes:
  • Darfs are twice as likely set off traps, but are allowed a saving throw to avoid harmful effects (whether typically called for or not).
  • Beings hearing the exclamative “Darf!”, as spoken by a Darf, are twice as likely to react with hostility towards the Darf and any perceived Darf allies.
So yeah. I'll have a better illustrated pdf of this with a background table as a PWYW eventually.

But, with FLAILSNAILS kicking back in, I felt this needed to be out there.

Friday, February 3, 2017

rough fictional setup



Steel and plastic corridors creak |pop | and echo|| always. Weight was luxury. Ain’t nobody had no square to spare for unnecessary bullshit.

I mean of course you bring some yeast with ya, some herb, some seeds maybe. All that’s just money in the bank, and you could hide it in your pockets. Just had to wear heavy boots at Gate A weigh-in, then tell ‘em you emptied your pockets come reweigh at Gate C. Dropping weight ain’t never suspicious – at least not to underpaid government vetters.

Then we got here and it weren’t quite done. Told us that just meant more jobs… Jobs no poor schlub on govt. lists ever could do…

So now we’re here, and cramped. 

Now we’re fed, nearly enough. Nothing to do. Just fucking | fighting | and waiting to die.

Something gets wrecked, the Man comes around. Get too rowdy, the Man comes around. Get too happy, Man comes around to steal your herb.

Just waiting to die. Rust and grey corridors and tiny black windows into nothing.
Somebody let the nothing in…

Folks and corridors are becoming just that, nothing.
The Man don’t care. It was cheaper to blast us all into space.
They ain’t spending no square, taking no time to see why we’re going away.

So what you gonna do about it, wizard?


Thursday, February 2, 2017

it begins…



You are all no longer of this town.

Or maybe you never really were.

The soothsayer each village hides away from the Church found your lot, read the intestines. (I hope it weren’t your little brother’s…) 

You are all special, heroes chosen.

Cruel spins the wheel of fate.

Wanderers will you ever be…

Cruel caricatures in plots preposterous entangled.

But first, before you leave, a little help, please. It awoke, or maybe we just noticed, but evil has pressed forth from the fog shrouded wood. Please, heroes, smite it, or trick it, or cajole it asleep.


Do not fail to render aid, lest you be damned to an even more terrible fate…


Saturday, January 28, 2017

Broken Wilds version Something.Not-the-first


bleak fairytale roleplaying



Stats  roll 3dF 4 times, in order
(-3 thru +3) 
Grace
Strength
Wits
Weird

Skills
(target number 6 on a d6, dice explode and implode)
Stealth modified by Grace
Prestidigitation modified by Grace
Orienteering modified by Wits
Survival modified by Wits
Ritual modified by Weird
Lore unmodified by stats


Character Classes 
Lost Child: 1d4 Starting HP, +2 Stealth, +1 Prestidigitation, 1 copper pence
Wildfolk: 1d6 Starting HP, +1 Orienteering, +1 Survival, no money
Hearty Villager: 1d6+2 Starting HP, +1 Strength, -1 Reactions with Nobility, 2 copper pence
Hidden Princess: 1d6 Starting HP, +2 Reactions, 2d6*10 silver pence
Wise Witch: 1d6 Starting HP, +2 Ritual, +2 Lore, -2 Reactions if Known, 1 heirloom silver pence
Aelf Blooded: 1d6 Starting HP, No Soul, Innate Magics, -2 Reactions, 1 copper pence
Saves
Based on the Stats. Roll modified d20, target number 16.





Advancement
(up to 5 character advancements during a PCs life-time, cannot reuse earned-by goals, no more than 1 advancement per session )
Bloody Path  +1 to Hit, +1 to Damage
Earned by: | Killing a Human Being in Combat | Killing a Monster in Combat  | Winning a Duel | Losing a Duel |

Quiet Path  +1 Stealth, +1 Grace
Earned by: | Killing a Foe from a Quiet Distance | Sidestepping Danger | Sneaking Past an Enemy | Stealing Something Valuable |

Sideways Path  +1 Ritual, +1 Weird
Earned by: | Survive a Spell | Read a Grimoire |

Stalwart Path  +1d6 HP
Earned by: |Surviving <1 HP | Defend another Person throughout a Battle |Survive One on One combat |

Clever Path  + 1 Wits, +1 Lore
Earned by: |Outwitting an Enemy | Circumventing an Obstacle |

Doughty Path   +1 Strength
Earned by: |Carrying something Heavy out of a Dangerous Area | Failing a Feat of Strength |

Combat

To-hit #s (Roll 1d20+Mods to murderlate somebody)

Defender Status                   TH#
Asleep/ Tied-Up          Just Roll Damage.
Unaware                      6         
Unarmed                      8         
Armed, Nonviolent        9         
Armed                          10       
Have Shield                  11       
Using Cover                 13       
Superhumanly Fast      14       
Prescient                      16       
Godlike                        You Don’t Hit.

Armor List
Armor in this system is an additional overlay of Hit Points (really, don’t get hit points. Damage is taken out of armor HP first. Armor HP refreshes with each new combat. [The longer a fight goes on, the more likely {through skill and dumb luck} it is that opponents will circumvent defenses.])

Improvised Helmet     +1 HP
Helm                           +2 HP
Improvised Shield       +1 HP
Shield                          +2 HP
Leather                        +2 HP
Chain Shirt                  +3 HP
Gauntlets                     +1 HP
Breast Plate                 +4 HP
Heavy Clothes             +1 HP

Weapon List

Small Club or Improvised weapon       1d3
Big Stick or Knife or Dagger                1d4
Small Sword or Hand axe or Cutlass    1d6
Rapier                                                1d8
Spear or Pike or Musket & Bayonet     1d8
Flintlock Pistol                                    1d10 (On an attack of 3 or less it misfires)
Flintlock Musket                                 1d12 (On an attack of 3 or less it misfires)
(Dual Wielding - Roll damage for both weapons if you strike, take the higher.)

Basic Rituals

·         Entrapment – Use of appropriate binding circles to entrap supernatural entities. Requires a Successful Ritual check and some way to get the entity into the circle.
·         Binding – Prevents supernatural entities from performing certain tasks. Obviously those wily spirits will only honor the letter of the law. An exchange is Always required.
·         Summoning – Requires a Grimoire with specific summoning instructions.



Aelf Ability | Roll 1d20
(These powers can be used as often as the aelf blooded wishes, unless otherwise indicated.)
            1. Feylight - Victim begins to phosphoresce in a color of the caster's choice. Feylight is precocious, desperate to be seen. The glow will gladly glide around corners and peak out to beam through thick foliage. Hiding from beings capable of sight is basically impossible. Lasts 1d6 hours. Cannot be dismissed. No more than 1 feylight may be kindled at a time.
            2. Sleep of the Dead - Caster may touch up to 1d4 creatures, causing them to sleep as though dead for 1+1d12 hours. They CANNOT be awoken beforehand. Sv. to Negate if unwilling. Sleep of the Dead cannot be recast until all victims are awoken or until the next sunrise.
            3. Pierce the Veil - Opens the way to the Feywode, aka Surreal Dreaming Fairy Land.
            4. Creation Unbounded - Forces mutation, see chart.
            5. Blindness - causes irreversible blindness in one creature as he/she/its eyes wither and dry-up like raisins in the summer sun. Extremely painful. On a successful save, caster loses 1 eye as well.
            6. Beguilement – Victim will be forced to care deeply about the wellbeing of the caster, often with romantic notions. Lasts for 24 hours.
            7. Windsong Servant – Wind-chime sounding unseen servant but w/o the silly no attack options, just bad and slow at attacks. Lasts 1d10 minutes. Capable of exerting about 20 lbs. of pressure.
            8. Remove the Scales - causes the victim to see and know the absolute truth for 1d6 hours, reveals glamours and invisible creatures. Victim cannot be successfully lied to during this time. Likely a harrowing experience for all involved. Cannot have more than one Remove the Scales effect at the same time.
            9. Bloom - causes withered and rotted things to refresh. Can be used make rotten food wholesome, restore to vitality plants, or bring back to full health a handful of desiccated insects.
            10. Cleanse - removes toxins from object or person. Requires clear or white stone or gem which is blackened and ruined in the process
            11. Ethereal Fog - summons a bunch of sound dampening semi-solid fog. 30 ft. radius.
            12. Forget -  Causes victim to forget the last 10 minutes. Sv. negates.
            13. Thunderous Blast - causes 1 damage and being stunned 1d4 rounds of centered on target, all within 10 ft must sv or be stunned for 1d4 rounds
            14. Withdraw - Allows caster and up to 200 additional lbs to step out of reality for up to 1d6 minutes. Wizard and other beings can see but cannot hear, smell, touch, taste, or move while in this pseudoreal fold in existence.  Using this ability more than once per day comes with a cumulative ¼ chance to never return.
            15. Flameous Command - control existing fires to flare up or go out or produce too much smoke. Continues so long as caster has uninterrupted concentration.
            16. Glamour - change small characteristics like hair color or eye color or apparent value or cause object/person to glow or cause object/person appear to be made of a different material.
            17. Sunder - Breaks apart a single stone, brick, or other crystalline-mass up to the size of a small house. Stones in a structure may of course topple other things.
            18. Unerring Arrow - Causes one arrow (or bolt or musket ball or slingstone or javelin or whatever) to definitely strike it's next target. If a hit is rolled, the round does maximum damage. If a natural 20 is rolled, the target is slain. Only 1 unerring “arrow” can be created at a time.
            19. Feather's Weight - causes a victim/object and a feather to switch weights, can effect up to 300 lbs. Lasts 1d6 minutes, cannot be dismissed.
            20. Assume Lesser Form - wizard (NOT POSSESSIONS) can become a small beast for 1d6 hours, examples: bat, snake, bird. Cannot replicate natural toxins. Can be cast on others. Animal has 2 HP. Sv. negates for the unwilling.
           
Reactions
(Reaction Rolls are Done on a Straight, Exploding/Imploding d6, Just like a Skill Roll.)
Only roll if there is a doubt as to how the creature would act.

7+ - Accommodating
6 - Friendly
5 - Wary
4 - Suspicious
3 - Annoyed
2 - Hostile
1 – Raging

Death
At less than 0HP, characters will die in 1d20 minutes without basic medical attention.
At less than -4 HP, characters are dead.
(Unmourned dead, those buried without ceremony, etc. have a 1/10 chance to come back as vengeful undead.)



WAIT there isn’t a rule for this!
Okay.

If somebody is actively trying to do something active, roll 1d6 (exploding/imploding) modified by appropriate stat. Referred to as “Feats of [Stat]”
If somebody is trying to avoid something, roll a save with the appropriate stat.

Alternatively, make something up or Just let it happen if it makes sense.

(c) 2017 Evey Lockhart

Friday, January 27, 2017

adventure design, lesson (-1)

How the fuck do I write an adventure?

Inspirado, it begins with Inspirado. If you don’t understand that, go watch the short lived Tenacious D show. Or just, like, guess and you’re probably there.
An image, a conversation, a hallucination, a song, a fucking Wikipedia article… the idea grabs hold and won’t let go.

Smile with Us, Friend…’s development as fucking example I guess.

Once, during a game, with an aelf in it, I improvised the idea of a spider with a human mouth.
The idea stuck, I even made a terrible picture for it:  



So yah. I drew up a fucking map that looked sort-of spidery and then lost touch with it for like a year. 



(When writing dungeons as opposed wildernesses or lairs, I am much more likely to just drop the whole fucking  for a while.)

The image held, though. It refined. It simmered in the wretched stew of my damaged brain.

Anyways, because I was writing every damn day at the time, I got the idea to write up a bunch of cultists. I wanted to highlight the type of personalities that might worship an angry chaos spider.

Then I drew some pictures that did not totally suck. (Okay. So maybe I drew a bunch of pictures that did suck before I got there.)



Then it all fell together.

But not really, I spent a long time trying to imagine actually using my creepy but not that powerful spiders folks at the table.

After a bunch of thought, I tested it out at the table. The ideas worked ok.

So… I like fiddled with a shitload of fiddly bits and then released the fucking thing.

Anyway, now I write DnD shit so often, I’ve actually noticed a mild methodology (beyond smoking out) in my process.

Mind you I am still devoted to chaos and the Heat Death of the Universe, buuuut my stupid human brain develops habits.

(I kinda think these habits are unuseful to like anybody else, but I’ve already typed this fucking much so…)


  1. I start with the fiction. The images. Poetry. Inspirado.
  2. Then I do waaaaay too much research because I like brain learnings.
  3. Eventually a way to mechanize the weird/sad ideas comes to mind.
  4. Then figure out how to present that shiz...
inspirado

inspirado 
inspirado





Mechanizing method:  Ummm, basically I’ve just been playing D&D for like almost 2 decades…
But, I did get some useful advice from somebody, Paolo maybe, one time:
{{[paraphrased from an unreliable memory] Figure how often you want the thing to happen. Figure out the dice that makes it happen that often.}}

I mean it’s hardly that simple, but also it kinda is… I mean you will fail.

You will fail, frequently… but it’s a game you’re playing with friends so it probably won’t totally suck.

So ya, play the game, hold onto the images that terrify and entice you, and understand that we will all be dead pretty soon.

That’s how I does it.