Tuesday, December 6, 2016

Twin Snakes Wizard Boot

The boot gives mediocre advice in exchange for tequila and live mice.
They will tell you their venom is the strongest in all possible worlds. They will entice you to painstakingly milk their throbbing mouth glands.
Really though, you'd just be tickling a demonic prostate.
The twin snakes wizard boots want nothing to do with those who have milked them. You will find then only dark looks and hissing laughter.
Even for demons, they are grossly base cretins.


Friday, October 21, 2016

IMPORTANT: an interview with an OSR luminary...

hEY

I lived in this guy's trailer a few months back so now seems like a good time to ask him all the important questions.

An interview with +Anxy P. , y'all!

He drawed this picture for me.
Some other arts are here.
The above picture is in this book.


So how do you feel about Oprah Winfrey, Will?

I feel the same way about Oprah that I do about The Lottery. Shirley Jackson or the other, your pick.
If you had to eat the entirety of dog or cat, which would it be? Please specify the breed. Bonus points for recipes.

Dog. Newfoundland because of size and utilization of the coat afterward. 

Choose between the following superpowers and consequences:
A. You are invulnerable to damage, but your testicles painfully explode.
C. You can float a few inches off the ground while drunk, but sometimes your arm feels funny.
Z. You can transmit any pain and damage done to your body into somebody else's body, but now your favorite relative gets migraines

C. because it already happens daily.

The wrong kind of weirdo has a gun to your head, choose between losing your right pinky finger or both pinky toes!

Right pinky finger. I don't use it for bass playing. But I dance.

What popular song do you hate the most?

I hate Nick Jonas' Jealous

What popular song do you hate the least?

 I hate Ariana Grande's Into You the least.

Syrup or Jelly?

Depends on the jelly. Molasses is lower on the convertible sugar scale. Jelly usually spikes me in an uncontrollable way. Taste, jelly. Diabetes, syrup because it's easy to regulate.


All important issues have now been covered.

Thursday, October 13, 2016

Curse Bringer

There is only one type of true magic.
(Never you mind wizards and their flashy tricks.)
It is subtle and strange.
It is strong but particular.

“The art of the seamstress runs dangerous and deep.
“Beware of bone needles threaded with hair.

“In the wrath of wise women, take care,
“Great care.”



---
To affect folk, you need a facsimile of one. A handful of rags, a needle, and thread will do just fine.
(A handful of mud and fire will work just as well. Mandrake root is effective and ready made, though it does truly scream if harvested towards this purpose. [The picker must Save or Die. Go to 1 HP on a successful save. Best to trick another into doing the picking.])

Once the doll is done. Tie it to your victim.

Sew it up with her hair. Stain its stuffing with his blood. Take her tears. Steal his semen. Connect the doll with your victim. Then whisper their name thrice, interspersed with the operative word.
Finally mar your work in way that matches your intent. A pin through the knee to make him lasting lame. Black ribbons wrapped tight to steal her sight. Rend it open to make him die. A knot in the heart to make her cry. Add a serpent’s tongue and he can’t help but lie.
Do this all in the night.
When morning must come, your wish will be right.

---
Game shit!
New Class, Curse Bringer.

Saves, HP, Levels, ETC as Wizard/Magic User.

Abilities: Bring Curse.
Once each Night the Curse Bringer may perform a curse on any sentient, mortal being.
The curse is symbolically executed upon a connected doll (see above) and comes true with the rising sun, if the victim fails a saving throw vs. magic.
This save is negatively modified by the Curse Bringer’s Level (-1/lvl).

The curse must be contained in a single, descriptive word:
Blinded, Dying (takes 1d4 additional days), Quiet, Impotent, Lame, Lying, Melancholic, etc.

Blood, Seminal Fluid, and/or Hair, when freely given, cause the victim to suffer an additional -2 to their saving throw.

Discarded Nail Clippings, Hair, and Blood give the victim a +2 on their saving throw.

Connecting the doll symbolically (for instance dressing in similar clothing, drawing a decent likeness of the victim’s face, using a family member’s blood, hair, etc.) allows the victim to roll their save twice, taking the best result.

If the victim passes his/her saving throw, the curse rebounds to the Curse Bringer at sunrise. The Curse Bringer is also entitled to a saving throw. If this saving throw is passed, an appropriate Spiritual Entity will charge the Victim and the Curse Bringer with a specific quest. Of course both parties must work together or suffer some terrible consequence. Life lessons are optional.

Curses last until the doll is destroyed in daylight. The exception is the dying curse, which is irreversible once 3 days have passed. Rebounding dying curses kill instantly.

Toying with death rarely works out. He is a ruthless accountant.

There are many other rituals that may be performed by a Curse Bringer. Such rituals are little known, rare, and fiercely guarded. Many may only be performed once.

Sunday, October 9, 2016

Why Goblins?


The New Formed Goblin drinks deep of pointlessness.
In a moment, he will smile.


Goblins do not care in a fashion to which many are secretly jealous.

Their own lives hardly matter. They are 4 year olds mainlining amphetamines and nihilism. 

By extension, nothing but the moment matters to them, nothing but the moment exists for a goblin. 
There is no point in the past or the future; both directions lead to unbeing. 

This allows them to be present in a way no yogi nor guru nor monk ever could.

We would be right to be jealous if they were real.

So in worlds where they are real, imagine how much they would be hated.

Imagine how little they would care, how little they could care.

This is why the goblin laughs when you cut off her brother’s foot. This is why the brother slugs his sister before he bothers to try and bite through your Achilles tendon.

Goblins know the absurd joke of existence. Goblins are the absurd joke of existence.

Tuesday, October 4, 2016

noose tied around yer neck in the form of a tie



#inktober

Day 4 - Demon

So, so many ancient pacts between fools and demons were tied with a terrible knot about the neck.

So much the better for dark ones when cravats and neck ties became such an enduring part of men's fashion.

Power is exchanged for compassion. One often flees in the presence of the other so it difficult to know if the monster is the man or tie wrapped 'round his throat.

By necessity Knot Demons are very fluent in current affairs, mergers, acquisitions, political stratagems, and fashion.  They are fierce negotiators. Should you summon one, be ready to trade many secrets for a single answer.

DO NOT under any circumstances allow one to come within a 12 inches of your neck.

The creature closes its collar-jaws with surreal speed. Suddenly, fangs pierce your spine.

Before you can comprehend, a new voices cajoles and screams in your head. Pulling yourself free is a sure way to die. You don't have to agree to its awful pact, but the beast will allow you know rest, not a heartbeat of relief, until you agree or die.

By necessity, Knot Demons molt weekly. They are always, always in style... 

Thursday, September 29, 2016

Early Draft of a Monster

Fingerbone Crawler aka Side-channel Worm


What were they? What are they, crawling in the dark?
Clawing, clawing in the dark.
Do they hate? Do they know?
Could they understand? Would they comprehend?
Are their spines for violence or soley defend?
What else but man might stalk through their inherited halls?
Were they us, once, turned sharp and curled in stinking dark?
Were they better? Were they worse?
Which of us came first?

To the lightless halls, it were them?
But what of the end?
When the many suns' distend?...
When we shall surely perish, what then?

Is it concrete, feeds and fends them?
End to end? Along the side?

The air is heavy in their ditches,
Sleep so deep. So deep.

You will know them by their stenches.

Weep child, weep.

---
The finished version will be in next month's issue of SNNS&SCS.

Tuesday, July 19, 2016

One trick pony classes...



Hopeless Romantic / Obsessed Creepo
Saves are like 18 across the board. d6 HD.
BAB is equal to the number of people watching, to whom the person is sexually attracted.
Permanent -1 BAB penalty per love interest that dies.
If BAB gets worse than -1, then character enters a suicidal fugue.
I guess if you wanna be Tina in a dungeon… this is how you do it.
Or just roll up a fighter and then act exactly like Tina in a dungeon. That’s probably more fun anyway.
Then again, Tina leading a conga line of Jimmy JR clones and zombies in a bid to kill the dungeon boss…




Danger Princess
Bonus to Saves is equal to the number of potential damage dice around her.
Otherwise saves are 15 across the board. d6 HD.
Like if she’s tied up over a pit 1d6, filled with angry otters (4 of ‘em at d3), and there’s a fucking dragon (d8/d8/d12) she gets a +8 to her save against demon possession or cholera or whatever.
Cumulative 1% chance a prince or princess will come to “rescue” Danger Princess with each violent encounter…
She must then either surrender  class powers or slay her bossy rescuer or like, however she handles it. Ya know.