Thursday, September 29, 2016

Early Draft of a Monster

Fingerbone Crawler aka Side-channel Worm

What were they? What are they, crawling in the dark?
Clawing, clawing in the dark.
Do they hate? Do they know?
Could they understand? Would they comprehend?
Are their spines for violence or soley defend?
What else but man might stalk through their inherited halls?
Were they us, once, turned sharp and curled in stinking dark?
Were they better? Were they worse?
Which of us came first?

To the lightless halls, it were them?
But what of the end?
When the many suns' distend?...
When we shall surely perish, what then?

Is it concrete, feeds and fends them?
End to end? Along the side?

The air is heavy in their ditches,
Sleep so deep. So deep.

You will know them by their stenches.

Weep child, weep.

The finished version will be in next month's issue of SNNS&SCS.

Tuesday, July 19, 2016

One trick pony classes...

Hopeless Romantic / Obsessed Creepo
Saves are like 18 across the board. d6 HD.
BAB is equal to the number of people watching, to whom the person is sexually attracted.
Permanent -1 BAB penalty per love interest that dies.
If BAB gets worse than -1, then character enters a suicidal fugue.
I guess if you wanna be Tina in a dungeon… this is how you do it.
Or just roll up a fighter and then act exactly like Tina in a dungeon. That’s probably more fun anyway.
Then again, Tina leading a conga line of Jimmy JR clones and zombies in a bid to kill the dungeon boss…

Danger Princess
Bonus to Saves is equal to the number of potential damage dice around her.
Otherwise saves are 15 across the board. d6 HD.
Like if she’s tied up over a pit 1d6, filled with angry otters (4 of ‘em at d3), and there’s a fucking dragon (d8/d8/d12) she gets a +8 to her save against demon possession or cholera or whatever.
Cumulative 1% chance a prince or princess will come to “rescue” Danger Princess with each violent encounter…
She must then either surrender  class powers or slay her bossy rescuer or like, however she handles it. Ya know.

Friday, June 17, 2016

If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them.
---Leviticus 20:13 

I was raised in a household that boycotted Disney in the 90s because, I guess, Disney didn't ban homosexuals from their theme parks...

Many years ago, I realized I was bi.

A few months ago, I wrote a 1 page dungeon contest entry about an attack on a pseudo medieval gay bar. (I did kind of a bad job with it, especially layout wise.)

A few weeks ago, I realized I was trans.

Almost immediately after that, public restrooms became a focus of my anxiety. (That and homemade Trump for president signs.)

A few days ago Pulse, a queer nightclub was attacked. You know about that, though.

I've stared at hate for a long time, from a number of perspectives. I used to be a bad person.

When I was a young teenager, I thought it was morally acceptable to murder abortion providers. I was encouraged in this terrible idea rather than rebuked.

When I say I've looked at hate from a number of perspectives, I mean it, quite terribly, I mean this.

Hate is probably more often your uncle or your neighbor or your pastor than it is somebody with a swastika tattoo or pipebomb.

It's sad, abandoned boys desperate to lash outwards.

It's the town drunk who is quietly happy that someone is a much worse sinner than she.

Anyway, here is a slightly better version of my entry...

Feather's and Flame:

{ a study in intolerance }

Priest Kliner had reached a dead end in his ecclesiastical career. He just didn't  have the political acumen to rise any higher. He knew the One-Father loved him, chose him, but the fools all about could not see.

He prayed for a miracle. Flagellantly, he denounced his terrible hungers. Priest Kliner took to wearing hair shirts and wandering the streets in the small hours of the morning.

There, in some piss-stained alley, behind an apple cart, the One-Father gave him succor. Kliner's hungers turned towards a prostitute. He followed her & found a den of inequity beyond his imagining. Idolatry, buggery, & so much more.

the everyday face of a monster, Pr. Kliner

Adrahna  | forceful, brazen, braggart, ciswoman, dresses as man, master of the smallsword, bisexual.
Heraclest | big, effeminate, soft-spoken, lonely, & gay. Large mop of curled mouse-brown hair.
Cowl  | (Formerly Colleen) lives as a man at a nearby monastery. Studious, quiet, & sincere. Tonsured. He is the sometimes lover of Adrahna.
Dark Heather  | dabbler of the occult, former lover of both Heraclest & Adrahna.  Pansexual ( Supposedly in a relationship with a ghost).
Sereh  | Reputation an even tempered widow & is aprosperous proprietress of several ropewalks. Actually deeply involved sensualist. Willing to try anything.
Horast  | Huge, fat, drunk, one-armed barkeep/owner. Not interested in much beyond the exclusive coin he can pump out of his clientele. (Formerly a black smith . Keeps his old hammer behind the bar.)
Previously Peter | P. P. was an apple thief hanged a century before. Surprisingly, Dark Heather is in fact in a long-term, committed, relationship with a ghost, this ghost. Previously Peter is completely immaterial, except to D. Heather .
(Could be invaluable aid, if anyone believes Heather.)|

Where the Feathered Dandy is Situated... Click the pic to enlarge.


10 Bells - Immediately after Kliner’s sermon, Tam Boisen (Red Faced & Flashy) leads 10 typical & goodly townsmen (torches & clubs) to destroy the Dandy and those within.

Tam Boisen

Five minutes later, Twill Boisen (Red Faced, Drunk, Bulbous Nose) staggers into the fray with 12 ruffians (knives & ropes) looking to lynch and loot.

Twill Boisen

Within 10 minutes 20 Gendarmes arrive (Bec De Corbins & leather jackets). They simply attempt to restore order restored as soon as possible.

(good luck sorting it out, players)

AFTERMATH,  If his honest flock is harmed, Kliner can blame the lax ways of his superiors & profit. If his flock is successful, he can take full credit for their righteousness & profit.

(Kliner knows all of this but will admit such to no one, least of all himself.)

Monday, June 6, 2016

It came green, too close to the beach, but not from the sea.
Much too green, shining, it threw back the sun’s rays with extraneous intensity.
There was/ There is a strange singing there. It arises through reality and not simply the sea.
We have had wine skies ever since. Slowly up it comes.
Many believe that destruction was hidden under its feet.
It moves on a scale difficult to comprehend.
How fast must we seem to it? What blurs are we, beside the wine-skied sea?
Never mind. We are sea spray, scattering light, known only for our interference on sunshine.

Monday, May 23, 2016

Dangerous Women

Washerwomen were tougher than you can believe.

Did you ever spend all your money on dice and/or beer back in college? Did ya ever happen to try to wash your jeans by hand?

That shit sucks…

The strength need to do that day in and day out… can you imagine the savage grip strength?

Not to mention, the lye soap was strong enough to cause chemical burns. You could tell a washerwoman by her scars…

Now imagine those hands on the lily white neck that bought them with the land.

Fed Up Washerwoman
A class for LotFP
       Levels  |     XP          
1                    0                      Paralyze: 16 | Poison: 12 | Breath: 16 | Device: 16 | Magic: 16 |
2                    1,000               Paralyze: 15 | Poison: 11 | Breath: 16 | Device: 16 | Magic: 16 |
3                    3,000               Paralyze: 14 | Poison: 11 | Breath: 16 | Device: 16 | Magic: 16 |
4                    9,000               Paralyze: 13 | Poison: 10 | Breath: 16 | Device: 16 | Magic: 16 |
5                    27,000             Paralyze: 12 | Poison: 10 | Breath: 14 | Device: 16 | Magic: 16 |
6                    80,000             Paralyze: 12 | Poison: 10 | Breath: 14 | Device: 15 | Magic: 15 |
7                    120,000           Paralyze: 11 | Poison: 10 | Breath: 14 | Device: 15 | Magic: 15 |
8                    200,000           Paralyze: 11 | Poison: 10 | Breath: 14 | Device: 15 | Magic: 15 |
9                    300,000           Paralyze: 10 | Poison: 09 | Breath: 13 | Device: 15 | Magic: 15 |  +100,000            Paralyze: 10 | Poison: 08 | Breath: 13 | Device: 15 | Magic: 14 |

+1 BAB
Hit Dice d10
Wringing Necks or Neckerchiefs
Fed Up Washerwomen can Choke attack for 1d6+Str Modifier (1d8+ for unaware victims). This attack ignores armor, unless a gorget (or similar) is worn.

Strong as your best Ox and at least Twice as Pretty.
Fed Up Washerwomen’s Strength modifiers are 1 higher than rolled.

Walk Quiet When Needed
3/6 Stealth at level 1.
4/6 Level 2.
5/6 Level 4.
6/6 Level 6.

Isn’t it wonderful how the skills of almost any civilized trade can be murderhobo-ed?

Also if Medieval Washerwomen had Unionized, I suspect the world would be a far better place right now.

Saturday, April 23, 2016

"You may find yourself living in a shotgun shack... you may ask yourself, well how did I get here?"

I recently ran a game! Woo! Alpha testing my philosopher's stone (aka my own super-duper-special Fantasy RPG). 

Working title: "Broken Wilds"

In said game, there was a crazy old candle-maker, a crazy scary aelf, and a crazily vain person. They were to be an already "functioning" "team". There wasn't a dungeon so I couldn't just wake them up hungover inside.

I wanted a beginning to help draw everyone into character and tie them all together. 

So, I did something pretty simple.

I got the Players to Answer a few questions during character generation.

  • 1.a Who in the group do you kind of hate? 1.b Why do you work with them anyway?
  • 2.a Who owes you something in the group? 2.b Why can't they pay it back to you yet?
  • 3.a Who, in the group, do you like the most? 3.b How do you let them know?
  • 4.a Who in the group knows your worst secret? 4.b How did they discover this?

The procedure:

Read the 1.a question. First player to call dibs on that question gets to answer it. Whoever the first player chose in his/her response answers the 1.b question for the first player's character.

Each player may only answer a single #.a question.

Repeat until all players get to answer an #.a question.


Sarah is playing Bee the Handy Jill and Sam is playing Sea the Degenerate Wizard.

Sam wins dibs and declares that Sea sorta hates Bee. Sarah tells Sam Sea owes his life to Bee.

Sarah automatically gets the next question. Obviously Sea has like a lifedebt to Bee and so both players declare that sans the formality of the procedure. 

Alternatively She could have done something weird like a demon blood oath further tying them together. Then he could be all like "we have to kill 4 demons!"

It's worked swimmingly thus far.

Sunday, April 3, 2016


Existential Wizards:

Philosophers, poets, junkies seeing the pearlescent pus of being.

You looked behind the muddied veil of reality: no true forms, no hidden rainbows... only hungry Void.

You weren’t the first. You won’t be the last. You haven’t killed yourself, that’s a start.

Now, go fix the trouble you made.

Characters have 2 important pieces:
NUMBNESS protects from Void. BEAUTY pushes the Void away.

[Roll 1d6 twice for starting Numbness and Beauty.]

[Hitting 0 or 10 = death.]

Otherwise, characters are just folk.

The Enemy:
Void destroys reality in widening gyres.

First pets, then people go missing. Streets fade. Eventually whole cities cease.

A neighborhood dissolves in a year, a city in a decade.

Fight the Emptiness with Art, create or abnegate.

[All works against Void are a gambit. Each character wagers an amount of Beauty.]

[Players roll 1d6 + Wagers . The GM rolls 1d10. Highest wins.]

[If the players roll higher, each adds the amount of their wager to their Beauty. Void in the area goes down a step.]

[If the Void wins, players subtract the wager amount from their Numbness. Void increases.]

[If nothing is wagered for a battle, Numbness goes up by 1, Beauty down by 1]


My submission for the 200 word RPG challenge.

Released under ...


Also I've released a PRINT RPG BOOK with a picture by noted drawer of good pictures, +Anxious P. ,

You should buy it.

[As of this post, the code LULURC, will get you free shipping and 25% off.]

[You should buy my novella, too. The best review so far, "I wish it was a whole goddamned book!"]

[Also, buy Fire on the Velvet Horizon, It is without caveat the best RPG product ever made. Pure imagination fire.]